fta fiW\n*\n ii Bur Room, 11 5 
Drunkard, Drama, 5 Acts, 12 5 
l&\«.arsofa Drunkard** Life, 10 * 



Bottle, 
Drunkard's Doom, 

AuLutDiDidr» Pledge, 



11 6 Temperance Iloetor, • 
15 5 1 Fruits of the WineCnp, • 
6 3 I Drunkard's Warning, [e] 



t | 



No. VIII. 

FRENCH'S STANDARD DRAMA. 



MONEY: 



/ 






% tfomebg, 



IN FIVE ACTS. 



u 



BY SIE EDWAKDLYTTON BULWER, 



WITH THE STAGE BUSINESS, OAST OF CHARAC- 
TERS, COSTUMES, RELATIVE POSITIONS, ETC. 



SAMUEL FKENCH & SON, 

PUliLlfcll* U6, 

122 Nassau Strut, 
nkw you*. 



SAMUEL FRENCH, 

PUBLISH Ml 

© O STRAND, 

LONDON. 



BOOKa iiVh. ^i^xirEXJR SHOULD HAVB. 
OIATEUR'S GUID*,, c . Ho* to Get up Home Th^trltolianrt to Airtlntbo^ wlthB^J 
„ ;, i ouea, Plays aud other uaefullnforuiaiiou for Amateur Sooietle*. Frice »D CtT 

GUIDE TO THE STAGE. 15 cent*. AllT OF ACTING. 15 rente. 

— *. »*m* },, n,, til Ml r,>r> iri of Drift I 



i 



FRENCH'S STANDARD DRAMA. 

Price 15 Cents each.— Bound Volumes $L 26. 



VOL. I. 

1 lOD 

I fatio 

8 The Lady of Lyons 

4 fiichelieu 

5 The Wife 

6 f he Honeymoon 

T The School for Scandal 
8 Money 

VOL, II. 
'The Stranger 
Grandfather Whitehead 
Richard III 
.ove's Sacrifice 
he Gamester 
Cure for the Heartache 
he Hunchback 
Don Caesar de Baxan 
VOL. III. 
1 The Poor Gentleman 
Hamlet 
Charles II 
Venice Preserred 
Pizarro 

The Love Chase 
I Othello 
Lend me Five Shillings 

VOL. IV. 
Virginius 

King of the Commons 
London Assurance 
The Rent Day 
Two Gentlemen ofVerona 
[The Jealous Wife 
he Rivals 
erfection 

, VOL. V. [Debts 
New Way to Pay Old 
iok Before You Leap 
ing John 
ervous Man 
[Damon and Pythias 
Olandestiue Marriage 

mi Tell 
Dm after the Wedding 

VOL. VI. 
i peed the Plough 
Borneo and Juliet 
feudal Times 
:harles the Twelfth 
'he Brides 
The Follies of a Night 

on Chest [Fa'rLady 

Taiut Heart Never Won 

VOi- VU. 

»* Road to H*in 

tWMwo«th 

pi Tempe/ 

[62 Kvadne 

f 43 Bertram 

64 The Due*** 

to Much Ad«» »»ut Nothing 

£•6 The Cntie 

VOL. vin. 
■*M The Apostate 
W Twelfth Night 
49 Brutus 

40 Simpson ft Co 

41 Merchant of Venice 
,42 Old Headsft Young Hearts 

43 Moontalneers [rUge 

84 Three Weeks after Mar 

VOL. IX. 

85 Lore 

66 4 s Yon Like It 

67 Toe Rider Brvtbe. 
84 Werner 

69 Gisippus 

TO To»u and Country 

71 King Lear 

7 j Blue Devihi 

VOL. X. 
-*S Henry VIII 

74 Married and Single 

75 Henry IV 

76 Paul Pry 
"" Guv Mannerlng 



VOL. XI. 

81 Julius Caesar 

82 Vicar of Wakefield 

83 Leap Year 

84 The Catspaw 

85 The Passing Cloud 

86 Drunkard 

87 Rob Roy 

88 George Barnwell 

VOL. XII. 

89 Ingomar 

90 Sketches In India 

91 Two Friends 

92 Jane Shore 

93 Corsican Brothers 

94 Mind your own Business 

95 Writing on -ue Wall 

96 Heir at Law 

VOL. XIII. 

97 Soldier s Daughter 

98 Douglas 

99 Marco 8 pad a 

100 Nature" s Nobleman 

101 Sardanapalus 

102 Civilization 

103 The Robbers 

104 Katharine and Petruchio 
VOL. XIV. 

105 Game of Love 

106 Midsummer Night's 

107 Ernestine [Dream 
Rag Picker of Paris 

109 Flying Dutchman 

110 Hypocrite 

111 Therese 

112 La Tour de Ncslo 
VOL. XV. 

113 Ireland As It Is 

114 Sea of Ice 

115 Seven Clerks 

116 Game of Life 

117 Forty Thieves 

118 Bryan Boroihrnt 

119 Romance and Reality 

120 Ugolino 

VOL. XVI. 

121 The Tempest 

122 The Pilot 

123 Carpenter of Rouen 

124 King's Rival 

125 Little Treasure 

126 Dombey and Son 

127 Parents and Guardians 

128 Jewess 
VOL. XVII 

129 Camille 

130 Married Life 

131 Wenlock of Wenlock 

132 Rose of Ettrickvale 

133 David Copperfield 

134 Aline, or the Rose of 

135 Pauline [Killarney 

136 Jane Eyre 

VOL. XVIII. 

137 Night and Morning 

138 ^Ethiop 

139 Three Guardsmen 

140 Tom Cringle 

141 Henriette, the Forsaken 

142 Eustacbe Baudin 

143 Ernest Maltravers 

144 Bold Dragoons 

VOL. XIX. 

145 Dred, or the Dismal 

| Swamp 

146 Last Days of Pompeii 

147 Esmeralda 

148 Peter Wilkins 

149 Ben the Boatswain 

150 Jonathan Bradford 

151 Retribution 

152 Mineral! 
VOL. XX. 

153 French Spy 

154 Wept of Wish-ton Wish 

155 Evil Genius 

156 Ben Bolt 

157 Sailor of France 



VOL. XXI. 

161 All's Fair in Love 

162 Hofer 

163 Self 

164 Cinderella 

165 Phantom 

166 Franklin 

167 The Gunmaker of 

168 The Love of a Prince 
VOL. XXII. 

169 Son of the Night 
170Rory O'More 

171 Golden Eagle 

172 Rienzi 

173 Broken Sword 

174 Rip Van Winkle 

175 Isabella 

176 Heart of Mid Lothian 
VOL. XXIII. 

177 Actress of Padua 

178 Floating Beacon 

179 Bride of Lamermoor 

180 Cataract of the Gauges 

181 Robber of the Rhine 

182 School of Reform 

183 Wanderim Boys 

184 Mazeppa 
VOL. XXIV. 

185 Young New York 

186 The Victim* 

187 Romance after Marriage 

188 Brigand 
io9 Poor of New York 

190 Ambrose Gwinett 

191 Raymond and Agnes 

192 Gambler's Fate 
VOL. XXV. 

193 Father and Son 

194 Massaniello 

195 Sixteen String Jack 

196 Youthful Queen 

197 Skeleton Witness 

198 Innkeeper of Abbeville 

199 Miller and his Men 

200 Aladdin 
VOL. XXVI. 

201 Adrienne the Actress 

202 Undine 

203 Jessie Brown 

204 Asmodeus 

205 iformons 

206 Blanche of Brandvwine 

207 Viola 

208 Deseret Deserted 
VOL. XXVII. 

209 Americans in Paris 

210 Viotorjne 

211 Wizard of the Wave 

212 Castle Spectre 

213 Horse-shoe Robinson 

214 Armand, Mrs Mowatt 

215 Fashion, Mrs Mowatt 

216 Glance at New York 
VOL. XXVIII. 

217 Inconrtant 

218 Uncle Tom's Cabin 

219 Guide to the Stage 

220 Veteran 

221 Miller of New Jersey 

222 Dark Hour before Dawn 

223 Midsum'r Night's Dream 
[Laura Keene s Edition 

224 Art and Artifice 
VOL. XXIX 

225 Poor Yonng Man 

226 OssawaOomie Brown 

227 Pope of Rome 

228 Oliver Twist 

229 Pauvrette 

230 Man in the Iron Mask 

231 Knignt of Arva 
•>i-2 iioll Pitcher 

VOL. 

233 Black Eyed Susan 

234 Satan in Paris 

235 Rosina Meadows [ess 

236 West End, or Irish Heir- 



£westhearts and Wives |l58 Red Mask 

i J-'atpUy 159 Life of an Actress 

H'-oops to Conquer [160 Wedding Day 



; VOL. XXXI. 

|241 Merry Wives of Windso 
(242 Mary's Birthday 
243 Shandy Maguire 
|244 Wild Oats 
,245 Michael Erie 
[Moscow' 246 Idiot Witness 

247 Willow Copse 

248 People's Lawyer 
VOL. XXXII. 

249 The Boy Martyrs 

250 Lucretia Borgia 

251 Surgeon of Paris 

252 Patrician's Daughter 

253 Shoemaker of Toulouse 

254 Momentous Question 

255 Love and Loyalty 

256 Robber's Wife 
VOL. XXXIII. 

257 Dumb Girl of Genoa 

258 Wreck Ashore 

259 Clari 

260 Rural Felicity 

261 Wallace 

262 Madelaine 

263 The Fireman 

264 Grist to the Mill 
VOL. XXXIV. 

265 Tm 

266 Annie Blake" 
2H7 Steward 

268 Captain Kyd 

269 Nick of the Woods 

270 Marble Heart 

271 Second Love 

272 Dream at Sea 
VOL. XXXV. 

273 Breach of Promise 

274 Review 

275 Lady of the Lake 

276 Still Water Runs Deep 

277 The Scholar 

278 Helping Hands 

279 Faust and Marguerite 

280 Last Man ** 
VOL. XXXVI. 

281 Belle's Stratagem 

282 Old and Young 

283 Raffaella 

284 Ruth Oakley 

285 British Slave 

286 A Life's Ransom 

287 Giralda 

288 Time Tries All 
VOL. XXXVII. 

289 Ella Rosenburg 

290 Warlock of the Glen 

291 Zelina 
1292 Beatrice 

293 Neighbor Jackwood 

294 Wonder 

295 Robert Emmet 

296 Green Bushes 
VOL. XXX VIII 

297 Flower* of the For* 

298 A Bachelor of Arts 

299 The Midnight Banquet 

300 Husband of an Hour 

301 Love's Labor Lost 

302 Naiad Queen 

303 Caprice 

304 Cradle of Liberty 
VOL. XXXIX. 

305 The Lost Ship 

306 Country Squire 

307 Fraud and its Victims 

308 Putnam 

309 King and Deserter 

310 La Fiammina 

311 A Hard Struggle 
512 Gwinnette Vaughao 

313 The Love Knot ', Judg 

314 Lavater, or Not a Ba 
?'5 The Noble Heart 

316 Coriolanus 

317 The Winter's Tale 



237 Six Degrees of Cm 

238 The Lady and the I»- 

239 Avenger.or Moor of i>ici- 319 Ivannoe 
40 Masks and Faces j ly|S20 Jonathan in EngUcc 



(Catalogue continued on third pay 



m 



No. VIII. 
FRENCH'S STANDARD DRAMA, 



MONEY: 



Si domebn, 



IN FIVE ACTS. 



BY SIR EDWARD LYTTON BULWER. 



AS PLAYED AT THE PARK THEA T RE. 



«!TH THE STAGE BUSINESS, CAST OP CH * lUr**""/* ~~1 
TUMES, RELATIVE POSITIONS, -^ 



NEW-YORK : 
SAMUEL FRENCH, 

ISl NASFAU-BTREET. 



CAST OF CHARACTERS 

Haymarket, 1840. Park, lt»4». 

Alfrad Evelvn Mr - Macready, Mr. Charles KtzJL 

mr^hnVe?eV:::: ;; frickland, - Ba* 

Lord Glossmore ^»^ £?#;«.* 

Sir Frederick Blount toy, £e Wstfen. 

Si „ lf " J9. /ice*, " G. Andrew* 

g^vei ::::::::..:: u w^*-, « Fisher. 

Captain Dudley Smooth " Wrench, " Roberts. 

Bharp /. rX^* 

Old Member , g"? '- 

Sir John's Servant anight. 

Toko 

Evelyn's Servant 

First and Second Members 

Crimson, a portrait Painter 1 

Patent, a Coachmaker I In the representation, the passages 

Frantz, a Tailor \ in which these characters appear, art 

Tabouret, an Upholsterer j usually omitted. 

Grab, a Publisher j _ 

Clara Douglas Mrs. UKas. Kean. 

Lady Franklin . Mrs. G. over, " Vernon. 

Georgina " Abbott. 

Officer, Club Members, Flat, Green, &c., Waiters at the Club, Servants. 



C OSTU M ES. 

ALFRED EVELYN.— First Dress: Black frock coat and vest, Oxford gray 
trowsers, cloth-top shoes, and black neckerchief.— Second Dress : Fashiona- 
ble blue frock coat with velvet collar, buff vest with rolling collar, kersey- 
mere trowsers tightly strapped down, polished leather boots, black satin 
scarf, white riding gloves and black hat.— Fourih Act, Sce7ie I : Brocade 
dressing gown. — For dinner : Black dress coat lined with black silk, white 
vest with rolling collar, black kerseymere trowsers, black satin cravat em- 
broidered with gold.— -Fi/th Act : Dress of second act. 

STOUT. —Green cut-off coat with broad tails, striped vest, white cravat with 
large tie, nankeen trowsers without straps, cloth top shoes, large red pocket 
handkerchief, white hat with black crape round it, which is removed after 
the first act. 

SIR JOHN VESEY.— Black dress coat and trowsers, white vest and cravat 
white hair, with double eye-glasses hanging by chain round neck. 

GLOSSMORE. — Black frock coat and trowsers, polished leather boots, black 
vent, white cravat and light kid gloves. — Second Act : Colored vest. — Fourth 
Act : Full dinner costume. 

GRAVES. — Body coat and full black suit, black gloves, In third act, a gay- 
coloied silk handkerchief. 

BLOUNT.— Fashionable black suit in first act, which is afterwards changed 
for one of a gay character. 

DUDLEY SMOOTH.— Fashionable morning costume —Seccnd dress : Frock 
coat, lieht colored pantaloons, glazed leather boots.— Fourt h act : Very fash- 
ionable dinner dress. 

CLARA DOUGLAS.— First dress: Black beraee walking dress, high neo» 
and long sleeves, slightly trimmed with black lace , uair plain, black ahoes 
and Mtoekings, black satin apron. — Second Dress ; White Muslin demi-ioilet 
pink ribbons, gold bracelets and ornaments— Last dress: Black velvet walk- 
ing-dress, with ornaments of malakite and goid. 

LADY FRANKLIN. — Three first acts: A gay-colored silk drees. —Fourth 
act: Evening dress, with short sleeves and low body.— Fifth act : morning 
costume. 

GEORGIN A.- -Fi'rsf dress : White muslin, cut high, and long sleeves trimrae*: 
with black ribbons and jet ornaments.— Second act : Colored ribbons.— Fourth 
act: Dinner dress.— Fifth act : Colored silk walking-drees and fashionable 
DOODft. 






EDITORIAL INTRODUCTION. 

The comedy of " Money" was originally produced the 8th of December, 
IR40, at the Haymarket Theatre London. The critic of the Lite'ay Ga» 
zelie says of its performance : " A better acting or better acted p!ay has 
not been brought out in our day, and we remember " John Bull." It often, 
by its sparkling allusions, recalled the " School for Scandal" to our minds ;, 
and the drop-scene certainly fell upon every act amid bursts of applause 
at the skill displayed in the construction of these pauses giving each a 
scenic effect and interest, which could not be improved. The strength of 
the play is not in plot — it is meagre ; nor in actual and consequential cir- 
cumstances, for there are some errors and improbabilities. But the genu- 
ine power of this performance belongs to an ancient, recognized, and high 
order of the comic — the power of seizing the characters and manners of 
the age, and holding the mirror up to society ; and that, too, after it has 
so long been asserted that the progress of civilization had destroyed the 
materials for such a purpose. The characters all stand out well from the 
mass. Dudley, alias Deadly Smooth (Wrench,) the cool calculating gam* 
bier, who, when asked, " Can you keep a secret?" happily replies, " I have 
kept myself," is one instance ; Graves (Webster,) ever lamenting his lost 
shrew of a wile, and betrayed into laughable extravagances by his very 
grids, winding up the whole by the witty hit. as he goes oA - ith tbt 



tr EDITORIAL INTRODUCTION* 

widow (Mre. Glover,) ' Sainted Maria ! thank Heaven you are spared thii 
affliction !' is another. Stout (D. Rees), a radical M. P , all for the enlighti 
enment of the nation, is a third original and striking part. In Sir John 
Vescy (Strickland,) al30, there are several traits of much originality ; and 
Sir Frederick Blount (Lacy,) a fashionable coxcomb, is nearly as good ; 
Lord Glossmore ( Vining,) as an aristocratic contrast to Stout, is well 
imagined ; and the principal character, that of Evelyn (Macready,) ex 
tremely forcible, both in the feeling, and apparently reckless and bitterly 
satirical situations, in which he speaks and acts." 

The present edition of " Money" conforms to the acting copy prepared 
for the Park Theatre. It was found impossible to adhere rigidly to the text 
of the closet edition, and at the same time adapt it to the wants of the 
actor. The alterations are not, however, of a character to mar the eftect 
of the piece in the reading, while they are calculated to improve it in tht 

«CtiQ* 



MONEY. 



ACT I. 

Scene I. — A drawing-room in Sir John Vesey's house; 
folding doors at the back, which opens on another drawing' 
room. To the right a table with newspapers) books, SfC ; to 
Vie left a sofa writing-table. 

Sir John, Georgina. (r. c.) 

Sir J. (reading a letter edged with blade.) Yes, he says at 
two precisely. "Dear Sir John, as since the death of my 
sainted Maria," — Hum — that's his wife ; she made him a 
martyr, and now he makes her a saint 1 

Geo. Well, as since her death ? — 

Sir J. (reading.) " I have been living in chambers, where 1 
cannot so well invite ladies, you will allow me to bring Mr. 
Sharp, the lawyer, to read the will of the late Mr. Mordannt 
(to which I am appointed executor,) at your house — your 
daughter being l/ie nearest relation. I shall be with you at 
two precisely. Henry Graves." 

Geo. And you really feel sure that poor Mr. Mordaunt 
has made me his heiress ? 

Sir J. Ay, the richest heiress in England. Can you 
doubt it ? Are you not his nearest relation ? Niece by 
your poor mother, his own sister. I feel that I may trust 
you with a secret. You see this fine house — our fine ser- 
vants — our fine plate — our fine dinners : every one thinks 
Sir John Vesey a rich man. 

Geo. And are you not, papa ? 

Sir J. Not a bit of it — all humbug, child — all humbug, 
upon my soul ; there are two rules in life — First, men 
arc valued not for what they are, but what they seem to be. 



8 money. [Act I, 

Secondly, if you have no merit or money of your own, you 
must trade on the merits and money of other people. My 
father got the title by services in the army, and died penni- 
less. On the strength of his services 1 got a pension of 
£400 a-year — on the strength of £400 a-year, I took credit 
for £800 : on the strength of £800 a-year I married your 
mother with £10,000 : on the strength of £10,000, I took 
credit for £40,000, and paid Dickey Gossip three guineas 
a-week to go about everywhere calling me " Stingy Jack." 

Geo. Ha ! ha 1 A disagreeable nickname. 

Sir J. But a valuable reputation. When a man is called 
stingy, it is as much as calling him rich ; and when r„ man's 
called rich, why he's a man universally respected. On the 
strength of my respectability I wheeled a constituency, 
changed my politics, resigned my seat to a minister, who, 
to a man of such stake in the country, could offer nothing 
less in return than a patent office of £2000 a-year. That's 
the way to succeed in life. Humbug, my dear 1 — all hum- 
bug, upon my soul I 

Geo. I must say that you — 

Sir J. Know the world, to be sure. Now, for your for- 
tune, as I spend all that I have, I can have nothing to leave 
you ; yet even without counting your uncle, you have al- 
ways passed for an heiress on the credit of your expectations 
from the savings of " Stingy Jack." The same with your 
education. I never grudged anything to make a show — 
never stuffed your head with histories and homilies ; but you 
draw, you sing, you dance, you walk well into a room ; 
and that's the way young ladies are educated now-a-clays 
in order to become a pride to their parents and a blessing to 
their husband — that is, when they have caught him. 
Apropos of a husband : you know we thought of Sir Fred- 
erick Blount. 

Geo. Ah, papa, he is charming. 

Sir J. He was so, my dear, before we knew your poor 
uncle was dead ; but an heiress, such as you will be, should 
look out for a duke. — Where the deuce is Evelyn this 
morning ? 

Geo. I've not seen him, papa. What a strange character 
he is — so sarcastic ; and yet he can be agreeable. 

Sir J. A humorist — a cynic 1 one never knows how to 
take him. My private secretary, a poor cousin, has not got 



Scene I.] money. 9 

a shilling, and yet, hang me if he does no«, keep us all at a 
sort of a distance. 

Geo. But why do you take him to live with us, papa, since 
there's no good to be got by it ? 

Sir J. There you are wrong : he has a great deal of 
talent : prepares my speeches, writes my pamphlets, looks 
up my calculations. Besides, he is our cousin — he has no 
salary : kindness to a poor relation always tells well in the 
world ; and benevolence is a useful virtue, particularly when 
you can have it for nothing. With our other cousin, Clara, 
it was different : her father thought fit to leave me her guar- 
dian, though she had not a penny — a mere useless incum- 
brance : so, you see, I got my half sister, Lady Franklin, 
to take her off my hands. 

Geo. How much longer is Lady Franklin's visit to be ? 

Sir J. I don't know, my dear ; the longer the better — 
for her husband left her a good deal of money at her own 
disposal. Ah, here she comes. 

Enter Lady Franklin and Clara, r. 

Sir J. My dear sister, we were just loud in your praise. 
But how's this ? — not in mourning ? 

Lady Frank. Why should I go into mourning for a man I 
never saw ? 

Sir J. Still there may be a legacy. 

Lady Franlc. Then there'll be less cause for affliction 
(retires up a little.) 

Sir J. (aside) Very silly woman I But Clara, I see you 
are more attentive to the proper decorum ; yet you are very, 
very, very distantly connected with the deceased — a third 
cousin, I think. 

Clara. Mr. Mordaunt once assisted my father, and tnese 
poor robes are all the gratitude I can show him. 

Sir J. Gratitude 1 humph ! I am ai'raid the minx has 
got expectations. 

Lady Frank. So, Mr. Graves is the executor — the will 
is addressed to him ? The same Mr. Graves who is alwavs 
in black — always lamenting his ill fortune and his sainted 
Maria, who led him the life of a dog ? 

Sir J. The very same. His liveries are black — his car- 
riage is black — he always rides a black galloway — and, faith, 
if he ever marry again, I think he will show his respect to 
tiiQ sainted Maria by marrying a black woman. 



10 MONEY. [AOTI 

Lady Frank. Ha ! ha ! we shall see — (Aside.) Poor 
Graves, I always liked him : he made an excellent hus- 
band. 

Enter Evelyn, [seats himself r. c. and lakes up a look, un- 
observed. 

Sir J. What a crowd of relations this Will brings to 
light : Mr. Stout, the Political Economist — Lord Gloss- 
more — 

Lady FravJc. Whose grandfather kept a pawnbrokers 
shop, and who, accordingly, entertains the profoundest con- 
tempt for everything popular, parvenu, and plebeian. 

Sir J. Sir Frederick Blount — 

Lady Frank. Sir Fwedewick Blount, you mean, who 
objects to the letter r as being too trough, and therefore 
dwops its acquaintance : one of the new class of prudent 
young gentlemen, who, not having spirits and constitution 
for the hearty excesses of their predecessors, entrench them- 
selves in the dignity of a lady-like languor. A man of fashion, 
in the last century was riotous and thoughtless — in this he 
is tranquil and egotistical. He never does anything that is 
silly, or says anything that is wise. I beg your pardon, my 
dear ; I believe Sir Frederick is an admirer of yours. 
Then, too, our poor cousin, the scholar — Oh, Mr. Evelyn, 
there you are ! ( Crosses to l. corner.) 

Sir J '"Evelyn — the very person I wanted : where have 
you been all day ? Have you seen to those papers ? — have 
you written my epitaph on poor Mordaunt ? — Latin, you 
know ! — have you reported my speech at Exeter Hall ? — 
have you looked out the debates on the Customs ? — and, oh, 
have you mended ud all the old pens in the study ? 

Gear. And have you brought me the black floss silk ? — 
have you been to Starr's for my ring ? — and, as we cannot 
go out on this melancholy occasion, did you call at Hookham's 
for the last II. B. and the Comic Annual ? 

Ere. {Always reading.) Certainly, Paley is right upon 

that point ; for, put the syllogism thus (looking up,) 

Ma'am — Sir — Miss Vesey — you want something of me ? 

Paley observes, that to assist even the undeserving, 

tends to the better regulation of our charitable feelings— < 
ao apologies — I am quite at your service. 

Sir J. Now he's in one of his humors i 



Scene I.] money. 11 

Lady Frank. You allow him strange liberties, Sir John 

Eve. You will be the less surprised at that, madam, 
when I inform you that Sir John allows me nothing else. I 
am now about to draw on his benevolence. 

Lady Frank. I beg your pardon, sir, and like your spirit. 
Sir John, I'm in the way, I see ; for I know your benevo- 
lence is so delicate, that you never allow any one to detect 
it ! [Walks aside a little, l. 

Eve. I could not do your commissions to-day ; I have 
been to visit a poor woman who was my nurse and mother's 
last friend. She is very poor, very — sick — dying — and she 
owes six months' rent 1 

Sir J. You know I should be most happy to do any- 
thing for yourself. But the nurse — (Aside.) (some people's 
nurses are always ill ! ) — there are so many impostors 
about ! — We'll talk of it to-morrow. This most mournful 
occasion takes up all my attention. (Looking at his watch.) 
Bless me, so late ! I've letters to write, and — none of the 
pens are mended I [Exit r. 

Geor. ( Taking out her purse.) I think I will give it to 
him : and yet, if I don't get the fortune after all ! — papa 
allows me so little I — then I must have those ear-rings 
(Puts up the purse.) Mr. Evelyn, what is the address of 
your nurse ? 

Eve. ( Writes and gives it.) She has a good heart with all 
her foibles ! — Ah ! Miss Vesey, if that poor woman had 
jiot closed the eyes of my lost mother, Alfred Evelyn had 
not been this beggar to your father. 

[ Clara looks over the address. 

Geor. I will certainly attend to it, (aside.) if I get the 
fortune. 

Sir J. (Calling without.) Georgy, I say. 

Geor. Yes, papa. ^ ' [Exit,*. 

Evelyn has seated himself again at the talk (to the right) 

and leans his face on his hands. 

Clara. His noble spirit bowed to this 1 Ah at least here 
[ may give him comfort. (Sits down to write.) But he will 
recognise my hand. 

Lady Franli. (Looking over her shoulder.) What bill are 
you paying, Clara ? — putting up a bank note ? 

Clara. Hush 1 O, Lady Franklin, you are the kindest 
of human beings. This is for a poor person — I would not 



12 money. [Act I. 

have her know whence it came, or she would refuse it. 
Would you ? — No he knows her handwriting also ! 

Lady Frank, Will I — what ? give the money myself ? 
with pleasure ! Poor Clara — Why this covers all your 
savings — and I am so rich ! 

Clara. Nay, I would wish to do all myself ! It is a 
pride — a duty — it is a joy ; and I have so few joys ! But, 
hush ! — this way. 
[ They retire into the inner room and converse in dumb show.'] 

Eve. And thus must I grind out my life for ever ! — I 
am ambitious, and Poverty drags me down ! — I have 
learning, and Poverty makes me the drudge of fools ! — I 
love, and Poverty stands like a spectre before the altar ! 
But, no — if, as I believe, I am but loved again, I will — 
will — what ? — turn opium-eater, and dream of the Eden I 
may never enter ! 

Lady Frank. (To Clara.) Yes, I will get my maid to 
copy and direct this — she writes well, and her hand will 
never be discovered. I will have it done, and sent instantly. 

[Exit, R 

Clara advances to the front of the stage and seats herself — 
Evelyn reading — Enter Sir Frederick Blount, r. c. 

Blount. No one in the woom ! — Oh, Miss Douglas ! — 
Pway don't let me disturb you. Where Is Miss Vesey — 
Georgina ? [ Taking Claris chair as she rises. 

Eve. (Looking tip, gives Clara a chair ami re-seats himself. 
(Aside.) Insolent puppy ! 

Clara. Shall I tell her you are here, Sir Frederick ? 

Blount. Not for the world — vewy pwetty girl this com- 
panion I 

Clara What did you think of the Panorama the other 
day, cousin Evelyn ! 

Eve. (Beading.) 

" I cannot talk irih civet in the room, 
A fine puss gentleman that's all perfume ! 

Rather good lines these. 
Blount. Sir ! 

Eve. (Offering the look.) Don't you think so ? — Cowper. 
Blount. ( Declining the look.) Cowper ! 
Eve. Cowper. 
Blount. (Shrugging his shoulders, to Clara.) Stwange 



Scene I.] monet. 13 

person, Mr. Eve.yn ! — quite a chawacter !~ Indeed the 
Panowama gives you no idea of Naples — a delightful 
place. I make it a wule to go there evewy second year— 
I am vewy fond of travelling. You'd like Wome (RomeJ 
— bad inns, but vewy fine wuins ; gives you quite a taste 
for that sort of thing ! 
Eve. (Heading.) 

"How mucli a dunce that has been sent to Rome 
Excels a dunce that has been kept at home." 

Blount. (Aside.) That fellow Cowper says vewy odd 
things ! — Humph ! — it is beneath me to quawwell — 
( Aloud.) It will not take long to wead the Will, I sup- 
pose. Poor old Mordaunt — I am his nearest male wela- 
tion. He was vewy eceentwie. [Draws his cJiair nearer.'] 
By the way, Miss Douglas, did you wemark my cuwicle ? 
It is bwinging cuwicles into fashion. I should be most 
happy if you would allow me to dwive you out. Kay — 
nay — I should, upon my word. [Trying to talce her hand. 

Eve. (Starting up.) A wasp ! — a wasp ! — just going to 
settle. Take care of the wasp, Miss Douglas ! 

Blount. A wasp ! — where ? — don't bwing it this way ! — 
some people don't mind them. I've a particular dislike to 
wasps ; they sting damnably ! 

Eve. I beg pardon — it's only a gad-fly. 

Enter Servant, r, 

Serv. Sir John will be happy to see you in his study, Sir 
Frederick. (Exit Servant. 

Blount. Vewy well. Upon my word, there is something 
vewy nice about this girl. To be sure, I love Georgina — 
but if this one would take a fancy to me (thoughtfully) — 
Well, I don't see what harm it could do me I — Au plaisir ! 

[Exit, r. 

Eve. Clara ! 

Clara. Cousin I 

Ere. And you too are a dependent ! 

Clara. But on Lady Franklin, who seeks to make me 
forget it 

Eve. Ay, but can the world forget it ? This insolent 
condescension — this coxcombry of admiration — more gall- 
itwr than the arrogance of contempt 1 — Look you now— 



14 mor&y. [Act I 

robe Beauty in silk and cachemire — band Virtue into her 
chariot — lackey their caprices — wrap them from the winds 
— fence them round with a golden circle — and Virtue and 
Beauty are as goddesses, both to peasant and to prince. 
Strip them of the adjuncts — see Beauty and Virtue poor 
— deuendent — solitary — walking the world defenceless ; 
oh, then the devotion changes its character — the same crowd 
gather eagerly around — fools — fops — libertines — not to wor- 
ship at the shrine, but to sacrifice the victim ! 

Clara. My cousin, you are cruel ! 

Eve Forgive me ! There is a something when a man's 
heart is better than his fortunes, that makes even affection 
bitter. 

Clara. I can smile at the pointless innnocence 

Eve. Smile — and he took your hand ! — Oh, Clara, you 
know not the tortures that I suffer hourly ! When others 
approach you, young — fair — rich — the sleek darlings of the 
world — I accuse you of your very beauty — I writhe beneath 
every smile that you bestow, (Clara about to speak.) No — 
speak not ! — my heart has broke its silence, and you shall 
hear the rest. For you I have endured the weary bondage of 
this house — the fool's gibe — the hireling's sneer — the 
bread, purchased by toils, that should have led to loftier 
ends ; yes, to see you — hear you ; for this — for this I have 
lingered, suffered, and forborne. Oh, Clara! we are or- 
phans both — friendless both ; you are all in the world to me 
[she turns away] ; turn not away — my very soui speaks in 
these words — I love you ! 

. Clara. No— Evelyn— Alfred— No ! Say it not— think 
it not ! it were madness. 

Eve. Madness ! — Nay, hear me yet. I am poor — pen- 
niless—a beggar for bread to a dying servant. True I — 
But I have a heart of iron ! I have knowledge — patience — 
health,-— and my love for you gives me at last ambition ! 
I have trifled with my own energies till now, for I despised 
all things till I loved thee !* With you to toil for— your 
step to support— your path to smooch— and 1 — i, poor 
Alfred Evelyn— promise at last to win for you even fam« 
and fortune ! Do not withdraw you hand— this hand— 
shall it not be mine ? (Kneels.) 

Clara. Ah, Evelyn ! Never— ne\er i 

Eve. Never I ( Rises. ) 



Scene I.] money. 15 

Clara. Forget this folly ; our union is impossible, and 
to talk of love were to deceive both ! 

Eve. (Bitterly.) Because I am poor ! 

Clara. And I too ! A marriage of privation — of penury 
—of days that dread the morrow ! I have seen such a lot ! 
Never return to this again. [Crosses to r. 

Eve. Enough — you are obeyed. I deceived myself— 
ha 1 — ha ! — I fancied that I too was loved. I whose youth 
is already half gone with care and toil I — whose mind is 
soured — whom nobody can love — who ought to have loved 
no one ! 

Clara. (Aside.) And if it were only J to suffer, or per- 
haps to starve ! — Oh, what shall I say ? Evelyn — Cousin ! 

Eve. Madam. 

Clara. Alfred— I— I— 

Eve. Reject me 1 

Clara. Yes ! It is past ! (Exit, r. 

Eve, Let me think. It was yesterday her hand trembled 
when mine touched it. And the rose I gave her — yes, she 
pressed her lips to it once when she seemed as if she saw 
me not. But it was a trap — a trick — for I was as poor 
then as now. This will be a jest for them all ! Well ! 
courage ! it is but a poor heart that a coquet's contempt 
can break ? And now that I care for no one, the world is 
but a great chess-board, and I will sit down in earnest and 
play with Fortune ! [Retires up to the table, r. 

Enter Lord Glossmore, preceded by Servant, r. 

Serv. I will tell Sir John, my Lord ! Exit, r. 

[Evelyn takes ap the newspaper. 

Gloss. The Secretary— hum !— Fine day, sir ; any news 
from the East ? {to Evelyn.) 

Eve. (r.) Yes ! — all the wise men have gone back there ! 

Gloss. Ha, ha ! — not all, for here comes Mr. Stout, tho 
great political economist. 

Enter Stout, r. 

Stout., (r. c.) Good morning, Glossmore. 

Gloss, (l.) Glossmore! — the Parvenu I 

Stout. Afraid I might be late— been detained at tho 
Yestry— astonishing how ignorant the English poor are! 
—took me an hour and a half to beat it into the head of 
a stupid old widow, with nine children, that to allow her 



16 MONEY. [ActL 

three shillings a-week was against all the rules of public 
morality 1 . 

Eve." (r.) Excelbnt !— admirable !— Your hand, sir I 

Gloss. What ! You approve such doctrines, Mr. Evelyn ! 
Are old women only fit to be starved ! 

Eve, Starved ! popular delusion ! Observe, my Lord- 
to squander money upon those who starve is only to afford 
encouragement to starvation I 

Stout. A very superior person that ! 

Gloss. Atrocious principles! Give me the good old 
times, when it was the duty of the rich to succour the dis- 
tressed. 

Eve. On second thoughts you are right, my Lord. I 
too, know a poor woman — ill — dying — in want. Shall she, 
too, perish ? 

Gloss. Perish ! horrible ! — in a Christian country. Pe- 
rish ! Heaven forbid 1 

Eve. (Holding out his hand.) What, then, will you give 
her ? 

Gloss. Ehem ! Sir — the parish ought to give. 

Stout. ]N»o — No — No 1 Certainly not 1 ( With vehemence 

Enter Sir John,Blount, Lady Franklin, and Georgina, r. 

v 

Sir J. How d'ye do ! — Ah ! How d'ye do, gentlemen ? 
This is a most melancholy meeting ! The poor deceased 1 
what a man he was ! 

Blount. I was chwistened Fvvedewick after him ! He 
was my first cousin. 

Sir J. And Georgina his own niece — next of kin ! — an 
excellent man, though odd — a kind heart, but no liver ! I 
sent him twice a-year thirty dozen of the Cheltenham wa- 
ters. It's a comfort to reflect on these little attentions at 
such a time. 

Stout. And I, too, sent him the Parliamentary Debates 
regularly, bound in calf. He was my second cousin — sen- 
Bible man — and a follower of Malthus : never married to 
increase the surplus population, and fritter away his money 
on his own children. And now — 

Eve. He reaps the benefit of celibacy in the prospec- 
tive gratitude of every cousin he had in the world I 

Lady Frank. Ha 1 ha ! ha ! 

Sir J, Hush I hush I decency, Lady Franklin ; decency I 



Scene L] money 1" 

Enter Servant, r. 
l^^rv. Mr. Graves — Mr. Sharp. 

Sir J. Oh, here's Mr. Graves ; that's Sharp, the lawyer, 
who brought the will from Calcutta. 

Enter Graves and Sharp, r. 
Chorus of Sir John, Glossmore, Blount, Stout. 

Ah, Sir — Ah, Mr. Graves ! 

[ Georgina holds Iter handkerchief to her eyes. 

Sir J. A sad occasion ! 

Graves. But every thing in life is sad. "Be comforted, 
Miss Vesey. True, you have lost an uncle ; but I- — I have 
lost a wife — such a wife ! — the first of her sex — and the 
second cousin of the defunct ! Excuse me, Sir John ; at 
the sight of your mourning, my wounds bleed afresh. 

[ Servants hand round wine and sandwiches. 

Sir J. Take some refreshment— a glass of wine. 

Graves. Thank you ! — (Very fine sherry !) — my poor 
sainted Maria ! Sherry was her wine : everything reminds? 
me of Maria ! Ah, Lady Franklin ! you knew her. No- 
thing in life can charm me now. (Aside.) A monstrous fine 
woman that ! 

Sir J. And now to business. Evelyn, you may retire. 

Sharp, (looking at his notes.) Evelyn — any relation to 
Alfred Evelyn ? 

Eve. The same. 

Sharp. Cousin to the deceased, seven times removed. 
Be seated, Sir ; there may be some legacy, though trifling ; 
all the relations, however distant, should be present. 

Lady Fran/c. Then Clara is related — I will go for her. 

[Exit, r. 

Gear. Ah f Mr. Evelyn ; I hope you will come in for 
something — a few hundreds, or even more. 

Sir J. Silence I Hush ! Whugh I ugh ! Attention. 

While Hit Lawyer opens the Will, re-enter Lady Franklin 
and Clara. 

Sharp. The will is very short — being all personal pro- 
perty, lie was a man that always came to the point. 

Sir J I wish there were more like him ! — (Groans and 
shakes his head.) 

(Chorus groan and s/iake their headi 



18 KONEY. [Act L 

Sharp (reading.) " I, Frederick James Mordaunt, of 
Calcutta, being at the present date of sound mind, though 
infirm body, do hereby give, will and bequeath — imprimis, 
to my second cousin, Benjamin Stout, Esq., of Pall Mall, 
London — (Chorus exhibit lively emotion) — being the value 
of the Parliamentary Debates, with which he has been 
pleased to trouble me for some time past — deducting the 
carriage thereof which he always forgot to pay — the sum of 
14/. 2s. 4i. [Chorus breathe more freely. 

Stout. Eh ! what ! — 14Z. ? Oh, hang the old miser ! 

Sir J % Decency — decency ! Proceed, Sir. 

Sharp. " Item — To Sir Frederick Blount, Baronet, my 
nearest male relative — (chorus exhibit lively emotion) — 

Blount. Poor old boy ! 

[ Georgina puts her arm over Bio untfs chair. 

Sharp. " Being, as I am informed, the best dressed 
young gentleman in London, and in testimony to the only 
merit I ever heard he possessed, the sum of 500/. to buy a 
dressing case. ( Chorus breathe more freely ; Georgina 

catches her father's eye, and removes her arm.) 

Blount. (Laughing confusedly.) Ha! Ha! Ha! Vewy 
poor wit — low ! — vewy — vewy low ! 

Sir J. Silence, now, will you ? 

Sharp. " Item. — To Charles Lord Glossmore — who as- 
serts that he is my relation — my collection of dried butter- 
flies, and the pedigree of the Mordaunts from the reign of 
King John. (Chorus as before. 

Gloss. Butterflies ! — pedigree ! — I disown the plebeian ! 

Sir J. (Angrily.) Upon my word, this is too revolting ! 
Decehcy — go on. 

Sharp. "Item. — To Sir John Vesey, Baron, Knight of 
the Guelph, F. R. S., F. S. A., &c— [Chorus as before. 

Sir J. Hush ! Now it is really interesting ! 

Sharp. " Who married my sister, and who sends me 
every year the Cheltenham waters, which nearly gave me 
my death — I bequeath — the empty bottles. 

Sir J. Why, the ungrateful, rascally, old — 

Chorus. Decency, Sir John — decency ! 

Sharp. " Item. — To Henry Graves, Esq., of the Alba- 
ny — (Chorus as befoit. 

Graves. Pooh, gentlemen — my usual luck — not even a 
ring, I dare swear 1 



Scene L] money 19 

Sharp. " The sum of £5,000 in the Three per Cents. 

Lady Frank, I wish you joy ! 

Graves. Joy — pooh ! Three per Cents ! — Funds sure 
to go ! Had it been land now — though only an acre ! — 
just like my luck. 

Sharp. " Item — To my niece Georgina Yesey — 

[ Chorus as before. 

Sir J. Ah, now it comes ! 

Sharp. " The sum of £10,000 India stock, being, with 
her father's reputed savings, as much as a single woman 
ought to possess. 

Sir J. And what the devil, then, does the old fool do 
with all his money ? 

Chorus, lieally, Sir John, this is too revolting. Decency ? 
Hush I 

Sharp. " And, with the aforesaid legacies and exceptions, 
I do will and bequeath the whole of my fortune, in India 
stock, bonds, exchequer bills, three per cents, consols 
and in the bank of Calcutta (constituting him hereby sole 
residuary legatee and joint executor with the aforesaid 
Henry Graves, Esq.) to Alfred Evelyn, now or formerly 
of Trinity College, Cambridge — (Universal excitement.) — 
Being, I am told, an oddity, like myself — the only one of 
my relations who never fawned on me, and who, having 
known privation, may the better employ wealth." (All 
rise.) And now, sir, I have only to wish you joy, and give 
you this letter from the deceased — I believe it is impor- 
tant. [ Gives letter to Evelyn. 

Eve. (Crossing over to Clara.) Ah, Clara, if you had 
but loved me ! 

Clara, ( Turning away.) And his wealth, even more 
than poverty, separates us for ever : 

[All surround Evelyn with congratulations 

Sir J. (To Georgina.) Go, child — put a good face on it 
— he's an immense match ! My dear fellow, I wish you 
joy : you are a great man now — a very great man 1 

Eve. (Aside.) And her voice alone is silent 1 

Lord Gloss. If I can be of any use to you — 

Stout. Or I, sir — 

Blount. Or I ? Shall I put you up at the clubs ? 

Sharp. You will want a man of business. I transacted 
nil Mr. Mordaunt's affairs. 



Ih) monet. [Act. II. 

Sir J. Tusk, tusli I Mr. Evelyn is at home here. Always 
looked on him as a son. Nothing in the world we would 
not do for him ! Nothing ! 

Eve. Lend me 10£. for my old nurse ! 

[Chorus put their hands into i heir pockets 



ACT II. 

Scene I. — An anteroom in Evelyn 7 s new house; at one 
corner, behind a large screen, Mr. Sharp, writing at a 
desk, books and parchments before him. — Mr. Crimson, 
the portrait painter ; Mr. Grab, the publisher ; Mr. Ta- 
bouret, the upholsterer ; Mr. Patent, the coachmaker ; 
and Mr. Frantz, the tailor. Servants in livery cross to 
and fro the stage. 

Pat. ( To Frantz, showing a drawing.) Yes, sir ; this is 
the Evelyn vis-a-vis ! No one more the fashion than Mr. 
Evelyn. Money makes the man, sir. 

Frantz. But de tailor, de Schneider, make de gentleman ! 
where de faders and de mutters make only de ugly little 
naked boys 1 

Door at the bade thrown open. — Enter Evelyn. 

Eve. A levee, as usual. Good day. Ah, Tabouret, your 
designs for the draperies ; very well. And what do you 
want, Mr. Crimson ? 

Crim. Sir, if you'd let me take your portrait, it would 
make my fortune. Every one says you're the finest judge 
of paintings. 

Eve. Of paintings ! paintings ! Are ycu sure I'm a 
judge of paintings ? 

Crim. Oh, sir, didn't you buy the great Correggio fof 
£4000 ! 

Eve. True — I see. So £4000 makes me an excellent 
judge of paintings. I'll call on you, Mr. Crimson. Good 
day . Mr. Grab — oh, you're the publisher who once re- 
fused me £5 for my poem ? you are right ; it was sad 
UoggreL 



Scene I.] money, 21 

Grab. Doggrel ! Mr. Evelyn, it was sublime 1 But 
times were bad then 

Eve. Very bad times with me. 

Grab. But, now, sir, if you give me the preference I'll 
push it, sir — I'll push it ! I only publish for poets in high 
life, sir ; and a gentleman of your station ought to be pushed ! 
— 500/. for the poem, sir ! 

Eve. 500/. when I don't want it, where 5/. once would 

have seemed a fortune. 

" Now I am rich, what value in the lines ! 
How the wit brightens — how the sense refines !" 

[ Turns to the rest who surround him. 

Pat. (Showing drawing.) The Evelyn vis-a-vis ! 

Frantz. ( Opening his bundle and with dignity.) Sare I have 
brought de coat— de great Evelyn coat. 

Eve. Oh, go to that is, go home ! — Make me as ce- 
lebrated for vis-a-vis', salvers, furniture, and coats, as I alrea- 
dy am for painting, and shortly shall be for poetry. I resign 
myself to you — go ! [Exeunt Patent f Sfc. a. 

Enter Stout, r. 

Eve. Stout, you look heated ! 

Stout. I hear you have just bought the great Groginhole 
property. 

Eve. It is true. Sharp says it's a bargain. 

Stout. Well, my dear friend Hopkins, member for Gro- 
ginhole, can't live another month — but the interests of man- 
kind forbid regret for individuals ! The patriot jpopkins in- 
tends to start for the boro' the instant Hopkins is dead ! — 
your interest will secure his election I — now is your time ! — 
put yourself forward in the march of enlightenment ? — By 
all that is bigoted here comes Glossmore 1 (Crosses to l. 

Enter Clossmore, r.; Sharp still at his desk. 

Gloss. So lucky to find you at home ! Hopkins, of Gro- 
ginhole, is not long for this world. Popkins the brewer, is 
already canvassing underhand (so very ungentlemanly like !) 
"Keep your interest for young Lord Cipher — a valuable can- 
didate. This is an awful moment — the constitution depends 
on his return ! Vote for Cipher ! 

Stout. Popkins is your man I 

Eve. (Musingly.) Cipher and Popkins — Popkins and 



22 money. [Act II. 

Cipher ! Enlightenment and Popkins — Cipher and the 
Constitution ! I am puzzled 1 Stout, I. am not known at 
Groginhole. 

Stout. Your property's known there ! 

Eve. But purity of election — independence of votes — ■ 

Stout. To be sure : Cipher bribes abominably. Frus- 
trate his schemes — preserve the liberties of the borough — 
turn every man out of his house who votes against enlight' 
enment and Popkins ! 

Eve. Right ! — down with those who take the liberty to 
admire any liberty except our liberty I That is liberty ! 

Gloss. Cipher has a stake in the country — will have 
50,000/. a-year — Cipher will never give a vote without con- 
sidering beforehand how people of 50,000Z. a-year will be af- 
fected by the motion. 

Eve. Right : for as without law there would be no pro- 
perty so to be the law for property is the only property of law 1 
— That is law ! 

Stout. Popkins is all for economy — there's a sad waste of 
the public money — they give the Speaker 5,000Z. a-year, when 
I've a brother-in-law who takes the chair at the vestry, and 
who assures me confidentially he'd consent to be Speaker for 
half the money 1 

Gloss. Enough, Mr. Stout. Mr. Evelyn has too much at 
stakes for a leveller. 

Stout. And too much sense for a bigot. 

Eve. Mr. Evelyn has no politics at all ! — Did you ever 
play at battledore ? 

Both. Battledore ! 

Eve. Battledore ! — that is, a contest between two par- 
ties : both parties knock about something with singular skill 
something is kept up — high — low — here — there — everywhere 
nowhere ! How grave are the players 1 how anxious the 
by-standers ! how noisy the battledores ! But when this 
something falls to the ground, only fancy — it's nothing but 
cork and feather 1 Go, and play by yourselves, — I'm no hand 
at it ! ( Crosses , l.) 

Stout. (Aside.) Sad ignorance ! — Aristocrat ? 

Gloss. Heartless principles 1 — Parvenu ! 

Stout. Then you don't go against us ? — I'll bring Pop- 
kins to-morrow. 

Gloss. Keep yourself free till I present Cipher tc you 



Scene I.] money. 23 

Stout. I must go to inquire after Hopkins. The return 
of Popkins will be an era in history. (Exit r. 

Gloss. I must be off to the club — the eyes of the country 
are upon Groginhole. If Cipher fail, the constitution is 
gone 1 [Exit r. 

Eve. (At table, r.) Sharp, come here, (Sharp advances,) 
let me look at you 1 You are my agent, my lawyer, my man 
of business. I believe you honest ; but what is honesty ? — 
where does it exist ? — in what part of us ? 

Sharp. In the heart, I suppose. 

Eve. Mr. Sharp, it exists in the pocket ! Observe ! I lay 
this piece of yellow earth on the table — I contemplate you 
both ; the man there — the gold here — ! Now, there is 
many a man in yonder streets, honest as you are, who moves, 
thinks, feels, and reasons as well as we do ; excellent in form 
— imperishable in soul ; who, if his pockets were three days 
empty, would sell thought, reason, body, and soul too, 
for that little coin 1 Is that the fault of the man ? 
— no ! it is the fault of mankind 1 God made man — Sir, 
behold what mankind have made a god ! When I was poor 
I hated the world ; now I am rich I despise it. (Rises.) 
Fools — knaves — hypocrites ! By the by, Sharp, send 1001 
to the poor bricklayer whose house was burnt down yester- 
day. 

Enter Graves, r. 
Ah, Graves, my dear friend 1 what a world this is I 

Graves. It is an atrocious world 1 — it will be set on fire 
one day, — and that's some comfort 1 

Eve. Every hour brings its gloomy lesson— the temper 
sours — the affections wither — the heart hardens into stone 1 
Zounds 1 Sharp ! what do you stand gaping there for ? — 
have you no bowels ? — why don't you go and see to the 
bricklayer. [Exit Sharp, r. 

Eve. Graves, of all my new friends — and their name is 
Legion, you are the only one I esteem ; there is sympathy be- 
tween us — we take the same views of life. I am cordially 
glad to see you I 

Gaaves. (Groaning.) Ah 1 why shoild you be glad to 
see a man so miserable ? 

Eve. (Sighs.) Because I am miserable myself ! 

Graves. You 1 Pshaw 1 you have not been condemned ta 
lose a wife ? 



24 money. [Act II 

Eve But, plague on it, man, I may be condemned to 
take one! Sit down and listen. (They seat themselves.) I 
want a confidant ! Left fatherless when yet a boy, my poor 
mother grudged herself food to give me education. Some 
one had told her that learning was better than house and land 
—that's a lie, Graves. 

Graves. A scandalous lie, Evelyn. 

Eve. On the strength of that lie I was put to school — 
fe^nt to a college, a sizar,. Do you know what a sizar is ? 
In pride he is a gentleman — in knowledge a scholar — and he 
crawls about, amidst gentlemen and scholars, with the livery 
of a pauper on his back II carried of the great prizes — I 
became distinguished — I looked to a high degree, leading to 
a fellowship ; that is, an independence for myself — a home 
for my mother. One day a young lord insulted me — I re- 
torted — he struck me — refused apology — refused redress. I 
was a sizar ! a Pariah ! — a thing to be struck 1 Sir, I was 
at least a man, and I horsewhipped him in the hall before the 
eyes of the whole college I A few days, and the lord's 
chastisement was forgotten. The next day the sizar was 
expelled — the career of a life blasted. That is the dif- 
erence between rich and poor : it takes a whirlwind to 
move the one — a breath may uproot the other 1 I came to 
London^ As t long as my mother lived I had one to toil 
for ; ana I did toil — did hope — did struggle to be something 
yet. She died, and then, somehow, my spirit broke — I re- 
signed my spirit to my fate — I ceased to care what became 
of me. At last I submitted to be the poor relation — the 
hanger-on and gentleman-lackey of Sir John Yesey. But I 
had an object in that ; there was one in that house whom I 
had loved at the first sight. 

Gh-aves. And were you loved again ? 

Eve. I fancied it, and was deceived. Not an hour be- 
fore I inherited this mighty wealth, I confessed my love, and 
was rejected because I was poor. Now, mark : you remem- 
bei the letter which Sharp gave me when the will was read ? 

Graves. Perfectly : what were the contents ? 

Eve. After hints, cautions and admonitions — half in iro- 
ny, half in earnest, (Ah, poor Mordaunt had known the 
world !) it proceeded — but I'll read it to you : — "Having 
selected you as my heir, lecause I think money a trust to bi 



Scene I.J money. 25 

placed where it seems likely to he best employed, I now — not im* 
pose a condition , but ask a favor. If you have formed ns other 
and insuperable attachment, I could wish to suggest your choice, 
my two nearest female relations are my niece Georgina and my 
third cousin, Clara Douglas, the daughter of a once dear friend 
If you could sec in either of these one whom you could make your 
wife, such would be a marriage that if Hive long enough to re- 
turn to England, I would seek to bring about before 1 die? My 
friend, this is not a legal condition ; the fortune does not rest 
on it ; yet, need I say, that my gratitude considers it a mora) 
obligation ? Several months have elapsed since thus called 
upon — I ought now to decide : you hear the names — Clara 
Douglas is the woman who rejected me ! 

Graves. But now she would accept you ! 

Ece. And do you think I am so base a slave to passion, 
that I would owe to my gold what was denied to my affec- 
tion? 

Graves. But you must choose one in common gratitude ; 
you ought to do so — yes, there you are right. 

Eve. Of the two, then, I would rather marry where I 
should exact the least. A marriage, to which each can bring 
sober esteem and calm regard, may not be happiness, but it 
may be content. But to marry one whom you could adore, 
and whose heart is closed to you — to yearn for the treasure, 
and only to claim the casket — to worship the statue that 
you may never warm to life — Oh ! such a marriage would be 
a hell the more terrible because Paradise was in sight. 

Graves. Georgina is pretty, but vain and frivolous. — 
(Aside.) But he has no right to be fastidious — lie has never 
known Maria ! — (Aloud.) Yes, my dear friend, now I think 
on it, you will be as wretched as myself ! When you are 
married we will mingle our groans together ! 

Eve. You may misjudge Georgina ; she may have a nobler 
nature than appears on the surface. On the day, but bei'ore 
the hour, in which the will was read, a letter, in a strange or 
disguised hand, u from an unknown Friend to Alfred Evelyn/ 1 
and enclosing what to a girl would have been a considerable 
sum, was sent to a poor woman for whom I hrA implored 
charity, and whose address I had given only tc Georgina. 



23 money. Act II 

Graves. Why not assure yourself ? 

Eve. Because I have not dared. For sometimes, against 
my reason, I have hoped that it might be Clara ! ( Taking 
a letter from his bosom and looking at it.) No I can't recog- 
nise the hand. Graves, I detest that girl ! (Rises.) 

Graves. Who ? Georgina ? 

Eve. No ; but I've already, thank heaven I taken some re- 
venge upon her. Come nearer. (Whispers.) I've bribed 
Sharp to say that Mordaunt's letter to me contained a codi- 
cil leaving Clara Douglas 20,000/. 

Graves. And didn't it ? 

Eve. Not a farthing I But I'm glad of it — I've paid the 
money — she's no more a dependant. No one can insult her 
now — she owes it all to me, and does not guess it, man, does 
not guess ! owes it to me whom she rejected ; — me, the poor 
scholar ! Ha ! ha ! there some spite in that, eh ? 

Graves. You're a fine fellow, Evelyn, and we understand 
each other. Perhaps Clara may have seen the address, and 
dictated this letter, after all ! 

Eve. Do you think so ? — I'll go to the house this in- 
stant, (r.) 

Graces. Eh ? Humph ! Then I'll go with you. That 
Lady Franklin is a fine woman. If she were not so gay, I 
think — I could — 

Eve. No ; no ; don't think any such thing : women are 
even worse than men. 

Graves. True ; to love is a boy's madness 1 

Eve. To feel is to suffer ! 

Graves. To hope is to be deceived. 

Eve. I have done with romance ! 

G, aves. Mine is buried with Maria ! 

Eve. If Clara did but write this ! — 

Graves. Make haste, or Lady Franklin will be out ! — A 
vale of tears — a vale of tears ! 

Eve. A vale of tears, indeed ! [Exeunt, r 

Reenter Graves for Ids hat 

And I left my hat behind me ! Just like my luck ! If ] 
had been bred a hatter, little boys would have come into 
the world without heads! [Exit r. 



Scene II.] money. 27 

Scene II. — Drawing rooms at Sir John Vesev's, as in 
Scene I., Act 1. 

Enter Lady Franklin and Clara, r. a, laughing. 

Clara. Dear Lady Franklin, you really have the sweet- 
est temper I 

Lady Frank, (n.) I hope so — for it's the most becoming 
tiling a woman can wear ! Think of that when you marry. 
Oh ; talking of marriage, I've certainly made a conquest of 
Mr. Graves. 

Clara. Mr. Graves ! I thought he was inconsolable. 

Lady Frank. For his sainted Maria ! Poor man ! not 
contented with plaguing him while she lived, she must needs 
haunt him now she is dead. 

Clara. But why does he regret her? 

Lady Frank. Why ? Because he has everything to 
make him happy. Easy fortune, good health, respectable 
character. And since it is his delight to be miserable, he 
takes the only excuse the world will allow him. For the 
rest, it's the way with widowers ; that is, whenever they 
mean to marry again. But, my dear Clara, you seem ab- 
sent — pale — unhappy ; — tears, too ! 

Clara. No — no — not tears. No ! 

Lady Frank. Ever since Mr. Mordaunt left you 20,000i 
every one admires you. Sir Frederick is desperately smit- 
ten. 

Clare. (With disdain.) Sir Frederick ! 

Lady Frank. Ah ! Clara, be comforted — I know your 
secret : I am certain that Evelyn loves you. 

Clara. He did — it is past now. He misconceived me 
when he was poor ; and now he is rich, it is not for me to 
explain. 

Lady Frank. My dear child, happiness is too rare to be 
sacrificed to a scruple. Why does he come here so often ? 

Clara, Perhaps for Georgina I 

Enter Sir John, r. c, and lams o'u€t t/ie books, Sft. on the 
table, as if to look for the newspaper. 

Lady Frank. Pooh ! Georgina is my niece ; she i3 
tiandsome and accomplished — but her fathers worldliness 
tias spoilt her nature — she is not worthy of Evelyn ! Let 



28 money. [Act 11 

me only tell him that you dictated that letter— that yea 
sent that money to his old nurse. Poor Clara ! it was your 
little all. He will then know, at least, if avarice be your 
sin. 

Clara. He would have guessed it, had his love been 
like viine. 

Lady Frank. Guessed it — nonsense ! The handwriting 
unknown to him — every reason to think it came from 
G eorgina. 

Sir. J. (Aside, r. — at table.) Hum ! came from G eorgina! 

Lady Frank. Come, let me tell him this. I know the ef- 
fect it would have on his choice, 

Clara. Choice ! oh, that humiliating word ! No, Lady 
Franklin, no ! Promise me ! 

Lady Frank. But — 

Clara. No ! Promise — faithfully — sacredly. I have re- 
fused to share his poverty, and I should die with shame if 
he thought I had now grown enamored of his wealth. My 
kind friend, you will keep your promise ? 

Lady Frank. Yes, since it must be so. 

Clara. Thanks. I — I — forgive me — I am not well. 

[Exit, r. 

Lady Frank. What fools these girls are ! — they take as 
much pains to lose a husband as a poor widow does to get 
one ! 

Sir. J. Have you seen the Times newspaper ? Where 
the deuce is the newspaper ? I can't find the Times news- 
paper. 

Lady Frank. I think it is in my room. Shall I fetch it? 

Sir. J. My dear sister — you're the best creature. Do ! 

[Exit Lady Frank., r. 
Ujrh ! you unnatural conspirator against your own family ! 
What can this letter be ? Ah ! I recollect something 
Enter G eorgina, r. c. 

Ceor. (l.) Papa, I want — 

Sir. J. Yes, I know what you want, well enough ! Teli 
me — were you aware that Clara had sent money to that 
old nurse Evelyn bored us about the day of the will ? 

Geor. No ! He gave me the address, and I promised, 
if— 

Sir. J. Gave you ike address 1 — that's lucky. Hush ! 



Scene II. J money. 29 

Enter Graves, Evelyn, and Seri ant, r 
J Servant. Mr. Graves — Mr. Evelyn. [_Exit } Serv, k. 

^Cady Frank. (Returning.) Here is the newspaper. 

Graves. Ay — read the newspapers ! — they'll tell you 
what this world is made of. Daily calendars of roguery 
and woe ! Advertisements from quacks r money-lenders, 
cheap warehouses, and spotted boys with two heads ! — 
Turn to the other column — police reports, bankruptcies, 
swindling forgery. — Turn to the leading article ! and your 
hair will stand on end at the horrible wickedness or melan- 
choly idiotism of that half of the population who think dif- 
ferently from yourself. In my day I have seen already eigh- 
teen crisises, six annihilations of Agriculture and Com- 
merce, four overthrows of the Church, and three last, final, 
awful, and irremediable destructions of the entire Consti- 
tution ! And that's a newspaper— a newspaper — a news* 
paper ! 

Lady Frank, (r. c.) Ha! ha! your usual vein ! always 
so amusing and good humored ! 

Graves. (Frowning and very angry.) Ma'am — good- 
humored ! 

Lady Frank. Ah ! you should always wear that agree- 
able smile ; you look so much younger — so much hand- 
somer, when you smile ! 

Graves, (softened.) Ma'am a charming creature, upon 

my word ! Aside. 

Lady Frank, You have not seen the last H. B.? it is 
excellent, I think it might make 'you laugh. But, by-the 
by, I don't think you can laugh. 

Graves. Ma'am — I have not laughed since the death of 
my sainted Ma 

Lady Frank. Ah ! and that spiteful Sir Frederick says 
you never laugh, because — but you'll be angry? 

Graves. Angry ! pooh ! I despise Sir Frederick too 
much to let anything he says have the smallest influence 
over me ! He says I don't laugh, because 

Lady Frank. You have lost your front teeth ! 

Graves. Lost my front teeth ! Upon my word! ha ! ha! 
ha! That's too good — capital! Ha! ha! ha! [Laughing 
from ear to ear. 

Lady Frank. Ha ! ha ! ha ! 

[ They retire to the table in t/ie inne* d" awing-rom*. 



80 hoxey. [Act II 

Eve. (Aside at r. table.) Of course Clara will not ap- 
pear ? — avoids me as usual I But what do I care ? — what 
is she to me ? Nothing ! HI swear this is her glove ! — no 
one else has so small a hand. She'll miss it — so — so I No- 
body's looking — I'll keep it just to vex her. 

Sir J. (To Georgina.) Yes, yes — leave me to manage: 
you took his portrait, as I told you. 

Gear. Yes — but 1 could not catch the expression. I get 
Wara to touch it up. 

Sir J. That girPs always in the way ! 

Enter Captain Dudley Saiooth, r. 

Smooth. Good morning, dear John. Ah, Miss Vesey, 
you have no idea of the conquests you made at Almack's 
last night ! 

Eve. (Examining him curiously while Smooth is talking 
o Georgina, (r.) at table.) And that's the celebrated 
Dudley smooth ! 

Sir J. (a.) More commonly called Deadly Smooth ! — the 
finest player at whist, ecarte, billiards, chess, and piquet, 
between this and the Pyramids — the sweetest manners ! — 
always calls you by your Christian name. But take care 
how you play cards with him 1 

Eve. He does not cheat, I suppose ? 

Sir J. No i but he always wins ! He's an uncommonly 
clever fellow ! 

Eve. Clever ? yes ! When a man steals a loaf, we cry 
down the knavery — when a man diverts his neighbor's 
mill-stream to grind his own corn, wt cry up the clever- 
ness ! — and every one courts Captain Dudley Smooth I 

Str J. Why, who could offend him ? the best bred, 
ci vilest creature — and a dead shot ! There is not a cleverer 
man in the three kingdoms. 

Eve. A study — a study !— let me examine him ! Such 
uen are living satires on the world. 

Smooth. (Passing his arm caressingly over Sir John's 
shoulder.) My dear John, how well you are looking ! A 
new lease of life ! Introduce me to Mr. Evelyn, 

Ere, Sir, it's an honor I've long ardently desired. 

I Crosses to him. They bow and shake hauls 



Scene I # ] money. 11 

Enter Sir Frederick Blount, r. 

Blount. Flow d'ye do, Sir John. Ah, Evelyn— I wished 
so much to see you ! 

Eve, Ah ! 

Blount. A little this way. You know, perhaps, that I 
once paid my addwesses to Miss Yesey ; but since that 
vewy eccentwic will Sir John has shuffled me off, and hints 
at a pwior attachment — (aside) which I know to be false. 

Eve. (Seeing Clara.) A prior attachment ! — (Hal Clara!) 
Well, well, another time, my dear Blount. 
Enter Clara, r. 

Blount. Stay a moment — I want you to do me a favor 
with regard to Miss Douglas I 
Eve. Miss Douglas I 

Blount. Clawa has 20,000/. And I think, Clawa always 
liked me a little. 

Eve. You ! I dare say she did ! 

Blount. It is whispered about that you mean to pwopose 
to Georgina. Nay, Sir John more than hinted that was her 
pwior attachment 1 
Eve. Indeed ! 

Blount. Now, as you are all in all with the family, if 
you could say a word for me to Miss Douglas, I don't see 
what harm it could do me ! — ( Aside.) I will punish Geor- 
gina for her pwerfidy. 

Eve. 'Sdeath, man ! speak for yourself ! you are just 
the sort of man for young ladies to like — they understand 
you. You're of their own level. Pshaw 1 you're too mo- 
dest — you want no mediator ! 

Blount. My dear fellow, you flatter me. I'm well enough 
i in my way. But you, you know, would cawwy evewything 
before you ! — you're so confoundedly wich ! 

Eve. (Turning to Clara.) Miss Douglas, what do you 
1 think of Sir Frederick Blount ? Observe him. He is well 
dressed — young — tolerably handsome — (Blount bowing,) — 
bows with an air — has plenty of small talk — everything to 
captivate. Yet he thinks that if he and I were suitors to 
the same lady, I should be more successful because I am 
richer ? What say you ? Is love an auction ? and do wo* 
men's hearts go to the highest bidder ? 
Clara. Their hearts ? No ! 



82 money. [Act II, 

Eve. But their hands — yes ! (She turns away.) You turn 
away, Ah, you dare not answer that question I 

Gtor. (Aside.) Sir Frederick flirting with Clara ? I'll 
punish him for his perfidy. You are the last person to talk 
so, Mr. Evelyn ! — you, whose wealth is your smallest at- 
traction — you, whom every one admires, so witty, such taste! 
such talent I Ah, I'm very foolish 1 

Sir John. (Clapping him on the shoulder.) You must net 
turn my little girl's head. Oh, you're a sad fellow ! Apro- 
pos, I must show you Georgina's last drawings. She 
has wonderfully improved since you gave her lessons in per- 
spective. 

Geor. No, papa — No ! pray, no 1 Nay, don't 1 

Sir John. Nonsense, child ! — it's very odd, but she's 
more afraid of you than of any one 1 

Smooth. ( To Blount, talcing snuff.) He's an excellent 
father, our dear John, and supplies the place of a mother to 
her. ( Turns amay to Lady Franklin and Graves. 

Evelyn and Georgina seat themselves and look over the draw- 
ings: Sir John leans over them; Sir Frederick converses 

with Clara ; Evelyn watching them. 

Eve. Beautiful ! a view -from Tivoli. (Death 1 she 
looks down while he speaks to her !) Is there not a little 
fault in that coloring ? (She positively blushes ! ) This Ju- 
piter is superb. ( What a d d coxcomb it is ! ) (Rising.) 

Oh, she certainly loves him — I too can be loved elsewhere — 
I too can see smiles and blushes on the face of another 1 

Geor. Are you not well ? 

Eve. I beg pardon. Yes, you are indeed improved I Ah, 
who so accomplished as Miss Yesey ? 

Takes up the drawings ; pays her marked attention in 
dumb show. 

Clara. Yes, Sir Frederick, the concert was very crowd- 
ed 1 (Ah, I see that Georgina consoles him for the past ! 
He has only praises for her, nothing but taunts for me !) 

Blount. I wish you would take my opewa box next Sa 
turday — 't is the best in the house. I'm not wich, but I 
spend what I have on myself ! I make a point to have 
evewything the best in a quiet way. Best opewa box — best 
dogs — best horses — best house of its kind. I want nothing 
to complete my establishment but the best wife 1 

Clara. (Abstractedly. ) That will come in good time, Sir 
Frederick. 



Scene II.] money. 83 

Eve. Georgma refused the trifler — she courts hiin (Ta* 
king up a portrait.) Why, what is this ? — my own 

Geor. You must not look at that — you must not indeed. 
I did not know it was there 1 

Sir John. Your own portrait, Evelyn ! Why, child ! I 
was not aware you took likenesses ? — that's something 
new ! Upon my word it's a strong resemblance. 

Geor. Oh, no — it does not do him justice. Give it to 
me. I will tear it. — (Aside.) That odious Sir Frederick ! 

Eve. Nay, you shall not. 

Clara. fSo — so — he loves her then ! Misery — misery ? 
But lie shall not perceive it 1 No — no — I can be proud 
too.) Hal ha! — Sir Frederick — excellent — excellent — 
you are so entertaining — ha ? ha 1 [Laughs hysterically. 

Eve. Oh, the affectation of coquets — they cannot even 
laugh naturally I [Clara looks at him reproachfully, and 
walks aside with Sir Frederick] But where is the new 
guitar you meant to buy Miss Vcsey — the one inlaid with 
tortoise shell ? 

Sir John. [Taking him aside confidentially.] The guitar — 
oh, tatell you a secret — she applied the money I gave her 
for it to a case of charity several months ago — the very day 
the will was read. I saw the letter lying on the table, with 
the money in it. Mind, not a word to her — she'd never for- 
give me 1 

Eve. Letter ! — money ! What was the name of the 
person she relieved ? — not Stanton ? 

Sir John. I don't remember, indeed. 

Eve. [Taking out the letter.] This is not her hand ! 

Sir John. Mo ! I observed at the time it was not her 
liand, but I got out from her that she did not wish the thing 
to be known ! and had employed some one else to copy it. 
May I see the letter ? Yes, i think this is the wording. 
Still, how did she know Mrs. Stanton's address ? you never 
gM e it to me ! 

Eve. I gave it her. Sir John, to a man like me, this 
simple act of unostentatious generosity is worth all the 
accomplishments in the world. Miss Vesey, I will be hone&t 
—(Miss Vesey advances, l. h.J i say then, frankly — (as 
Clara approac/ics, raising his voice and looking finally at 
her) — I have loved another — deeply — truly — bitterly — 
vainly • 1 cannot offer to you, as I did to Uer, the fair 



34 money. [Act III 

tirst love- of the human heart — rich with all its blossoms 
audits verdure. But if esteem — if gratitude— if an ear- 
nest resolve to conquer every recollection that would wander 
from your image ; if these can tempt you to accept my 
hand and fortune, my life shall be a study to deserve your 
confidence. (Clara stands motionless, clasping her hands, and 
'ken ylticly seats herself) 

Sir John. The happiest day of my life 1 

[Clara falls bade in her chair. 

Eve.. {Darting forward. — Aside.) She is pale ; she faints 1 
What have I done ? Clara ! 

Clara. (Rising with a smile.) Be happy, my cousin — be 
happy ! Yes, with my whole heart I say it — be happy, Al- 
fred Eyelyn ! 



END OF ACT II. 



ACT III. 

Scene I.— The drawing-rooms of Sir John Veseifs house. 

Enter Sir John and Georgina. 

Sir John. And he has not pressed you to fix the wed- 
ring-day ? 

Geor. No ; and since he proposed he comes here so sel- 
lorn, and seems so gloomy. Heigho ? Poor Sir Frederick 
was twenty times more amusing. 

Sir John. But Evelyn is fifty times as rich ! 

Geor. Sir Frederick dresses so well 1 

Sir John. You'll have magnificent diamonds ! 

Geor. My own kind papa, you always put things so 
pleasantly. Do you not fear lest he discover that Clara 
wrote the letter to his old nurse ? 

Sir John. No ; and I shall get Clara out of the house 
But there is something else that makes me very uneasy 



Scene I.] money. 35 

you know that no sooner did Evelyn come Jito posses* 
sion of his fortune than he launched out in the style of a 
prince. 

Geor. But if he can afford it — 

Sir John. Oh 1 so long as he stopped there I had no ap- 
prehension. But they say he has taken to gambling ! and 
he is always with Captain Smooth. No fortune can stand 
Deadly Smooth ! We must press the marriage at once. 

Geor. Heigho ! Poor Frederick I You don't think he 
is really attached to Clara ? 

Sir John. "Upon my word I can't say. Put on your 
bonnet, and come to Storr and Mortimer's to choose the 
jewels. 

Geor. The jewels ! — yes — the drive will do me good. So 
you'll send away Clara ? — she's so very deceitful. 

Sir John. Never fear — yes — tell her to come to me. 

[Exit Georgina, r. 
Yes ; I mus' press on this marriage ; Georgina has not wii 
enough to manage him — at least till he's her husband, and 
then all women find it smooth sailing. But I can't think of 
his taking to gambling, for I love him as a son — and I look 
to his money as my own. 

Enter Clara, r. 

Sir John. Clara, my love ! 

Clara. Sir — 

Sir John. My dear, what I am going to say may appear a 
little rude and unkind, but you know my character is frank- 
ness. — To the point, then : my poor child, I'm aware of your 
attachment to Mr. Evelyn 

Clara. Sir ! my attachment ? 

Sir John. It is generally remarked. Lady Kind says 
you are falling away. Poor girl, I pity you — I do, in- 
deed I 

Clara. I — I — ( Weeps. ) 

Sir John. My dear Clara, don't take on ; I would not 
have said this for the world, if I was not a little anxious 
about my own girl. Georgina is so unhappy at what every 
one says of your attachment 

Clara. Every one ? — Oh, torture ! 

Sir John. That it preys on her spirits — it even irritates 
ler temper I In a word, I fear these little jealousies and 



36 money. [Act IIL 

suspicions will tend to embitter their future union — I'm a 
father — forgive me. 

Clara. Embitter their union I Oh, never ! What would 
you have me do, Sir ? 

Sir John. Why, you're now independent. Lady Frank- 
lin seems resolved to stay in town. You are your own mis- 
tress. Mrs. Carlton, aunt to my late wife, is going abroad 
for a short time, and would be delighted if you would ac- 
company her. 

Clara. It is the very favour I would have asked of you. 
(Aside). I shall escape at least the struggle and the shame. 
When does she go ? 

Sir John. In five day — next Monday. — You forgive 
me ? 

Clara. Sir, thank you. 

Sir John. (Drawing the talk, r.) Suppose, then, you 
write a line to her yourself, and settle it at once ? 
Enter Servant, r. c. 

Serv. The carriage, Sir John ; Miss Vesey is quite ready. 

Sir John. James, if Mr. Serious, the clergyman, calls, 
say I am gone to the great meeting at Exeter Hall : if 
Lord Spruce calls, say you believe I'm gone to the rehear- 
sal of Cinderella. Oh 1 and if MacFineh should come — 
fMacFinch, who duns me three times ii-weekj — say I've 
hurried off to Garraways to bid for the great Bulstrode 
estate. Just put the Duke of Lofty's card carelessly on the 
hall table. (Exit Servant, r. c.) One must have a little man- 
agement in this world. All humbug 1 — all humbug, upon 
my soul I [Exit, c. d. 

Clara. (Folding the letter.) There — it is decided ! A few 
days, and we are parted for ever ! — a few weeks, and ano- 
ther will bear his name — his wife 1 Oh, happy fate ! She 
will have the right to say to him — though the whole world 
should hear her — "I am thine 1" And I embitter their lot 
— I am the cloud upon their joyous sunshine ! And yet, 
Alfred ! if she loves thee — if she knows thee — if she values 
thee — and, when thou wrbngst her, if she can forgive 
thee, as I do, — I can bless her when far away, and join he/ 
name in my prayers for thee ! 

Enter Evelyn r. c. 

Eve. (Speaking as I.t enters.) Miss Tesey out f Well 



Scene I.] money 37 

i will write a line Clara ! (Aside.) Do not let me dis- 
turb you, Miss Douglass. 

Clara. Nay, I have done. [Going, r. 

Eve. I see that my presence is always odious to you. It 
is a reason why I come so seldom. But be cheered Ma- 
dam : I am here but to fix the day of my marriage, and I 

shall then go into the country — till — till In short, this 

is the last time my visit will banish you from the room I 
enter. 

Clara. (Aside.) The last time ! — and we shall then meet 
no more ! And to part thus for ever — in scorn — in anger — 
I cannot bear it ! — (Approaching him.) Alfred, my cousin, 
it is true this may be the last time we shall meet — 1 have 
made my arrangements to quit England. 

Eve. To quit England ? 

Clara. But, before I go, let me thank you for many a 
past kindness, which it is not for an orphan easily to 
forget. 

Eve. (Mechanically.) To quit England ! 

Clara. Evelyn, now that you are betrothed to another 
— now, without recurring to the past — something of our 

old friendship may at least return to us. And if, too, I 

dared, I have that on my mind which only a friend — a sis 
ter — might presume to say to you. 

Eve. (Moved.) Miss Douglas — Clara — if there is aught 
that I could do — if, while hundreds — strangers — beggars 
—tell me that I have the power, by opening or shutting 
this worthless hand, to bid sorrow rejoice or poverty de- 
spair — if — if my life — my heart's blood — could render to 
you one such service as my gold can give to others — why, 
speak 1 — and the past you allude to, — yes, even that bitter 
past, — I will cancel and forget ! 

Clara. (Holding out her hand.) We are friends, then I — 
you are again my cousin 1 — my brother 1 

Eve. (Dropping her hand.) Ah 1 say on ! 

Clara. I speak, then as a sister. Oh, Evelyn ! when 
you inherited this vast wealth I pleased myself with ima- 
gining how you would wield the power delegated to your 
hands. I knew your benevolence — your intellect — your 
genius I — and I often thought that, in after years, when far 
away, I should hear your name identified with deeds and 
ends to which, for the great, fortune is but the instrument ; 



38 MONEY. [Act 111 

I often thought that I should say to my own heart — weep- 
ing proud and delicious tears — "And once this man loved 
me'" 

Eve. No more, Clara ! (oh, heavens,) — no more ! 

Clara. But has it been so ?— have you been true to your 
own self? Pomp, parade, luxuries, follies ?— all these might 
distinguish others, they do but belie the ambition and the 
soul of Alfred Evelyn ! Oh, pardon me — I am too bold — 

I p a i n — I offend you.= Ah, I should not hare dared thus 

much, had I not thought at times, that — that 

Eve. That these follies — these vanities — this dalliance 
with a loftier fate, were your own work ! You thought 
that, and you were right ! But you — did not you reject 
me because I was poor ? Despise me if you please ! — my 
revenge might be unworthy — I wished to show you the 
luxuries, the gaud, the splendor I thought you prized — to 
surround with the attributes your sex seems most to value 
— the station that, had you loved me, it would have been 
yours to command. But vain — vain alike my poverty and 
my wealth ! You loved me not in either, and my fate is 
sealed. 

Clara. A happy fate, Evelyn !— you love ! 

Eve. And at last I am beloved. — (After a pause, and 
turning to her abruptly.) Do you doubt it ? 

Clara, No, I believe it finely ! — (Aside.) Were it possi- 
ble for her not to love him ? 

Eve. Georgina, perhaps, is vain, and light — and — 

Clara. No — think it not ! And now, there is nothing 
unkind between us — not even regret — and surely (with a 
smile,) not revenge, my cousin — you will rise to your no- 
bler self — and so, farewell ! 

Eve. No ; stay — one moment ; you still feel an interest 
in my fate ! Have I been deceived ? Oh, why, why did 
you spurn the heart whose offerings were lavished at your 
feet ? 

Clara, We part as friends. 

Eve. Friends — and is that all ? Look you, this is^TlfeJ 
The eyes that charmed away every sorrow — the hano> 
whose lightest touch thrilled to the very core — a little 
while — a year, a month, a day — all the sweet enchantment, 
known but once, never to return again, vanished from the 



Scene I.J money. 39 

world I ) And the one who forgets the soonest — the one 
who robs your earth forever of its summer, comes to you 
with a careless lip and says, " Let us part friends I * Go, 
go, Clara, go — and be happy if you can ! 

Clara, (Weeping.) Cruel, cruel, to the last I Heaven 
forgive you, Alfred I [Exit, r. 

Evt. Soft ! — let me recall her words, her tones, her 
looks. Does she love me ? Have I been the rash slave of 
a jealous anger ? But I have made my choice — I must 
abide the issue ! 

Enter Graves preceded by Servant, r. c. 

Servant. Lady Franklin is dressing, sir, 

Graves. Wei], I'll wait. (Exit Servant, R.J She was 
worthy to have known the lost Maria ! So considerate to 
ask me hither — not to console me — that is impossible — 
but to indulge the luxury of woe. It will be a mournful 
scene — {Seeing Evelyn.) Is that you, Evelyn? I have 
just heard that the borough of Groginhole is vacant at last. 
Why not stand yourself ? — with your property you might 
come in without even a personal canvass. 

Eve. 1 who despise these contests for the color of a 
straw — I to be one of the wranglers ? never ! (Aside.) And 
yet Clara spoke of ambition. She would regret me if I 
could be distinguished. (Aloud.) To be sure, after all, 
Graves, corrupt as mankind are, it is our duty to try at least 
to make them a little better. An Englishman owes some- 
thing to his country. 

Graves. He does, indeed ! — (Counting on his fingers.) 
East winds, fogs, rheumatism, pulmonary complaints, and 
taxes. (Evelyn walks about in disorder.) You seem agita- 
ted — a quarrel with your intended ? Oh ! when you've 
beeu married a month, you wont know what to do with 
one 1 

Eve. You are a pleasant comforter. (Crosses, l. ) 

Graves. Do you deserve a" comforter? One morning 
jrou tell me you love Clara, or at least detest her, which is 
the same thing — (poor Maria often said she detested me.) 
and that very afternoon you propose to Georgina 1 

Eve. Clara will easily console herself — thanks to Sir 
Frederick 1 (Crosses, *.) 



10 MONEY. [ActIII. 

Gr<r>>es, Nevertheless, Clara has had the bad taste to 
refuse him. I have it from Lady Franklin. 

Eve. My dea? friend, is it possible ? 

Graves. But what then ? You must marry Georgina, 
who, to believe Lady Franklin, is sincerely attached to — . 
your fortune. Go and hang yourself, Evelyn ; you hav<j 
been duped by them. 

Eve. By them — bah ! If deceived, I have been my own 
dupe. Duped — if I thought it 1 — 

Graves. To be sure ! you tried Clara in your poverty . 
it was a safe experiment to try Georgina in your wealth. 

Eve. IXa ! that is true — very true. Go on. 

Graves. You'll have an excellent father-in-law. Sir 
John positively weeps when he talks of your income 1 

Eve. Sir John, possibly — but Georgina ? 

Graves. Plays affection to you in the afternoon, after 
practising first with Sir Frederick in the morning. 

Eve. On your life, Sir, be serious : what do you mean ? 

Graves. That in passing this way I see her very oftec 
walking in the square with Sir Frederick. 

Eve. Ha 1 say you so ? 

Graves. What then ! Man is born to be deceived. 
You look nervous — your hand trembles ; that comes of ga- 
ming. They say at the clubs that you play deeply. 

Eve. Ha 1 ha ! Do they say that ? — a few hundreds 
lost or won — a cheap opiate — anything that can lay the 
memory to sleep. The poor man drinks, and the rich man 
gambles — the same motive to both 1 But you are right ; 
it is a base recourse — I will play no more. 

Graves. I am delighted to hear it, for your friend Cap- 
tain Smooth has ruined half the young heirs in London. 
Even Sir John is alarmed. By-the-bye, I forgot— do you 
bank with Flash, Brisk, Credit, & Co ? 

Eve. So, Sir John is alarmed ? (Aside.) Gulled by this 
coggin charlatan ? I may beat him yet at his own wea- 
pons 1 Humph ! Bank with Flash ! Why do you ask 
me ! 

Graves. Because Sir Johr, has just heard that they are ia 
a very bad way, and begs you to withdraw anything you 
have if their hands. 

Eve. I'll st\3 to it. So Sir John is alarned at my gam- 
bling 1 



Scene II.] money. 41 

Chaves. Terribly ! He even told me he should go him- 
self to the club this evening to watch you. 

Eve. To watch me ! Good — I will be there. 

Graves. But you will promise not to play. 

Eve. Yes — to play. I feel it is impossible to give it up I 

Graves. No — no ? -Sdneath, man I be as wretched aa 
you please : break your heart, that's nothing 1 but damme, 
take care of your pockets I 

Eve. I will be there — I will play with Captain Smooth 
I will lose as much as I please — thousands — millions — bil- 
lions ; and if he presume to spy on my losses, hang me if I 
don't lose Sir John himself into the bargain 1 (Going out 
and returning.) I am so absent 1 What was the bank you 
mentioned ? Plash, Brisk, and Credit. Bless, me how un- 
lucky I and it's too late to draw out to-day I Tell Sir John 
I'm very much obliged to him, and he'll find me at the club 
any time before daybreak hard at work with my friend 
Smooth. [Exit, r. 

Graves. He's certainly crazy ! but I don't wonder at it. 
What the approach of the dog-days is to the canine species, 
the approach of the honeymoon is to the human race. 

Enter Servant, r. 

Serv. Lady Franklin's compliments — she will see you in 
the boudoir t Sir. 

Graves. In the boudoir! — go, go — I'll come directly. — 

[Exit Servant. 
My heart beats — it must be for grief. Poor Maria 1 — 
(Searching his pockets for his handkerchief.) Not a white one 
— just like my luck : I call on a lady to talk of the dear de- 
parted, and I've nothing about me but a cursed gaudy, flaunt- 
ing, red, yellow, and blue abomination from India. Exit, r 

Scene II. — A Boudoir in the same house. Two chairs on. 

Lady Frank, (r.) I take so much compassion on this 
poor man, who is determined to make himself wretched, that 
I am equally determined to make him happy ! Well, if my 
scheme does but succeed, he shall laugh, he shall sing, h* 
ghall — Mum ! — here he comes \ 



42 MONEY. [A CT HI 

Enter Graves, r. 

Graves. (Sighing.) Ah, Lady Franklin ! 

Lady Frank. (Sighing.) Ah, Mr. Graves ! (They seat them' 
selves.) Pray, excuse me for having kept you so long. Is 
it not a charming day ? 

Graves. An east wind, ma'am ! but nothing comes amiss 
to you ! — it's a happy disposition ! Poor Maria ! — s/ie, too, 
was naturally gay. 

Lady Frank. (Aside.) Yes, she was gay. So much 
life, and a great deal of spirit. 

Graves. Spirit ? Yes I — nothing could master it. She 
would have her own way ! Ah ! there was nobody like her ! 

Lady Frank. And then, when her spirit was up, she 
looked so handsome ! Her eyes grew so brilliant I 

Graves. Did not they ? Ah ! ah ! ha ! ha I ha ! And do 
you remember her pretty trick of stamping her foot ? — the 
tiniest little foot — I think I see her now. Ah ! this conver- 
sation is very soothing. 

Lady Frank. How well she acted in your private thea- 
tricals ! 

Graves. You remember her Mrs. Oakley, in " The Jea- 
lous Wife V Ha ! ha ! how good it was ! — ha 1 ha I 

Lady Frank. Ha 1 ha ! Yes in the very first scene, 
when she came out with (mimicking) " Your unkindness and 
barbarity will be the death of me I" 

Graves. No — no 1 that's not it 1 more energy. (Mimick* 
ing.) " Your unkindness and barbarity will be the death of 
me." Ha ? ha ! I ought to know how she said it, for she 
used to practice it on me twice a-day. Ah ! poor dear lamb I 
( Wipes his eyes.) 

Lady Frank. And then she sang so well ! was such a 
composer I What was the little French air she was so fond 
of? 

Graves. Ha 1 ha 1 sprightly ! was it not ? Let me see 
— let me see. 

Lady Frank. (Humming.) Turn ti — ti — turn — ti-— ti 
— ti. No that's not it. 

Graves. (Humming.) Turn ti — ti — turn ti — ti — turn turn 
turn. 

Both. Turn ti — ti — turn ti — ti — turn — turn — turn. Ha» 
bttl 



rfCENE III.] MONET. 44 

Graves. ( Tn rowing himself back.) Ah, what recollections 
it revives ! It is too affecting. 

Lady Frank, It is affecting, but we are all mortal. — 
(Sighs.) And at your Christmas party, at Cyprus Lodge, 
do you remember her dancing the Scotch reel with Captaia 
Macnaughten ? 

Graves, Ha ! ha ! ha ! To be sure — to be sure. 

Lady Frank. Can you think of the step ? — somehow thus, 
A'as it not ? (Dancing.) 

Graves. No — no — quite wrong ! — just stand there. Now 
then, (humming the tune) La — la-la-la — La-la, &c. (They 
dance.) That's it — excellent — admirable ! 

Lady Frank. (Aside.) Now it's coming. 

Enter Sir John, Blount, and Georgina, r. They stand 
amazed. Lady Franldin continues to dance. 

Graves. Bewitching — irresistible ! It's Maria herself 

that I see before me ! Thus, thus — let me clasp Oh, 

the devil ! Just like my luck ! (Stopping opposite Sir John. 

[Lady Franldin runs off, l. 
Sir John, Upon my word, Mr. Graves ! 
Georgina, Blount. Encore — encore 1 Bravo — bravo 1 
Graves. It's all a mistake ! I — I — Sir John. Lady 
Franklin, you see — that is to say I. Sainted Maria I you 
are spared, at least this affliction 1 

Georgina, ) Pray go on ! — Don't let us interwupt you 
Blount , ) [Exeunt laughing, r. 

Scene III. — TJie interior of * * * *'$ Club; night; 
lights, Sfc. Small sofa tables, with books, papers, tea, coffee, 
SfC Several members grouped by the fireplace : one member 
with his legs over the back of his chair ; another with his legs 
over his table ; a third with his legs on the chimney-piece. To 
the left, and in front of the stage, an old member reading the 
| newspaper, seated by a small round table; to the right a card 
table, before which Captain Dudley Smooth is seated and 
sipping lemonade : at the bottom of the stage another tard 
tabic. 

Glossmore and Stout, o. 
Gloss. You don't come often to the club, Stout 1 



4 monet. [Act III. 

Stout No ; time is money. An hour spent at a club is 
unproductive capital. 

Old Member. (Reading the newspaper.) Waiter ! — the 
snuff-box. [Waiter brings it. 

Gloss. So, Evelyn has taken to play ? I see Deadly 
Smooth, " hushed in grim repose, awaits the evening prey." 
Deep work to-night, I suspect, for Smooth is drinking lemon- 
ade — keeps his head clear — monstrous clever dog ? 

Enter Evelyn ; whites and shakes hands with different mem- 
bers in passing up t/ie stage, c. 

Eve. How do you do Glossmore ? How are you Stout ? 
You don't play, I think ! Political economy never plays at 
cards, eh ? — never has time for anything more frivolous than 
rents and profits, wages and labor, high prices and low — 
corn laws, poor laws, tithes, currency — dot-and-go-one — rates, 
puzzles, taxes, riddles, and botheration ! Smooth is the man. 
Aha ! Smooth. Piquet, eh ? You owe me my revenge ! 
(Members touch each other significantly. Stout walks away 

with the snuff-box ; Old member looks at him savagely.) 
Smooth. My dear Alfred, anything to oblige. 

[They seat themselves. 
Old Member. Waiter ! — the snuff-box. Waiter takes it 
frcm Stout and brings it back to Old Member.) 

Enter Blount, c, 

Blount, So, so I Evelyn at it again — eh, Glossmore ? 

Gloss. Yes, Smooth sticks to him like a leech. Clever 
fellow, that Smooth I 

Blount. Will you make up a wubber ? 

Gloss. Have you got two others ? 

Blount. Yes ; Flat and Green. 

Gloss. Bad players, 

Blount. I make it a wule to play with bad players ; it is 
five per cent, in one's favor. I hate grumbling. But a quiet 
wubber, if one is the best player out of four can't do one 
any harm. 

Gloss. Clever fellow, that Blount ! 

Blount takes up the snuff-box and walks off with it ; r JIA 
Member looks at him gravely.) 



Scene III. J money. 4i 

[Blount, Glossmore, Flat and Green make up a table at tfa. 
bottom of the stage.] 

Smooth. A thousand pardons, my dear Alfred, — ninety 
repique — ten cards ! — game ! 

Eve. (Passing a note to him.) Game ! Before we go en, 
one question. This is Thursday — how much do you calcu- 
late to win of me before Tuesday next ? 

Smooth. Ce cher Alfred ! He is so droll ! 

Eve. ( Writing in his pocket-book.) Forty games a-night, 
— four nights, minus Sunday — our usual stakes — that would 
be right, I think ! 

Smooth. (Glancing over the account.) Quite — if I win 
all — which is next to impossible. 

Eve. It shall be possible to win twice as much, on one 
condition. — Can you keep a secret ? 

Smooth. My dear Alfred, I have kept myself 1 I never 
inherited a farthing — I never spent less than 4,000/. a-year 
— and I never told a soul how I managed it. 

Eve. Hark ye, then — a word with you. (They whisper. ) 

Old Member. Waiter ! — the snuffbox. 

[ Waiter takes it from Blount, SfC 

Enter Sir John, c. 

Eve. You understand ! 

Smooth. Perfectly ; anything to oblige. 

Eve. (Cutting.) It is for you to deal. 

[ They go on playing. 

Sir John. (Groaning.) There's my precious son-in-law, 
that is to be, spending my consequence, and making a fool 
of himself. ('Taking up the snuff-box ; Old Member looks at 
him savagely.) 

Blount. I'm out. Flat, a poney on the odd twick. That's 
wight. (Coming up counting his money.) Well, Sir John, 
you don't play ? 

Sir John. Play, no ! (Evelyn passes money to Smo th.) 
Confound him — lost again ! 

Eve. Hang the the cards 1 — double the stakes ! 

Smooth. Just as you please — done ! Anything to oblige 

Sir John. Done, indeed 1 
/ Old Member, Waitsr 1— the smrfiftjox. 
/ ^- — -.-. [ Waiter talus it from Sir John, 



46 money. [Act III 

Blount. I've won eight points and the bets— I never 
lose — I never play in the Deadly Smooth set ! 

[ Takes up the snuff-box — Old Member as before. 

Sir John, (Looking over Smooth's hand and fidgeting 
backwards and forwards.) Lord have mercy on us ! Smooth 
has seven for his point. What's the stakes 1 

Eve. Don't disturb us — stakes, Sir John ?— immense ! 
Was ever such luck ?— Do stand back, Sir John — I'm get- 
ting irritable ! 

Old Member. Waiter !— the snuff-box ! (Waiter brings 
it bacli.) 

Blount. One hundred pounds on the next game, Evelyn? 

Sir John. Nonsense— nonsense — don't disturb him ! All 
the fishes come to the bait 1 Sharks and ninnows all nib- 
bling away at my son-in-law ! 

Eve % One hundred pounds, Blount ? Ah ! the finest 
gentleman is never too fine a gentleman to pick up a guinea. 
Done 1 Treble the stakes, Smooth 1 

Sir John. I'm on the rack ! (Seizing the snuff-box.) Be 
cool, Evelyn ! Take care, my dear boy I- — now don't yc — 
now don't ! 

Eve. What — what ? You have four queens 1 five to 
the king. Confound the cards! — a fresh pack. (Throws 
the cards behind him over Sir John. Waiter brings a new 
vack of cards to Evelyn.) 

Old Member. Waiter, the Snuff-box. (Different members 
gather round.) 

First Member. ( With back to audience.) I never before 
saw Evelyn out of temper. He must be losing immensely ! 

Second Member. Yes, this is interesting ! 

Sir John. Interesting 1 there's a wretch ! 

Frst Member. Poor fellow ! he'll be ruined in ft month 1 

Sir John. I'm in a cold sweat. 

Second Member. Smooth is the very devil. 

Sir John. The devil's a joke to him ! 

Gloss. ( Slapping Sir John on the back.) A clever fellow, 
bat Smooth, Sir John, eh ? (Takes up the sniff-box; Old 
Member as before.) 100/. on this game, Evelyn ? 

Eve. ( TlalfAurning round.) You ! well done the Cou» 
ntitution 1 yes, 100Z. ! 

Old Member.— Waiter I — (he snuff-box. 



Scene III.] money. 41 

Stout. 1 think Fix venture ! — 200?. on this game Eye* 
lyn? 

Eve. (Quite turning round.) Ha ! ha ! ha ! — Enlighten- 
ment and the Constitution on the same side of the question 
at last ! 0, Stout, Stout ! — greatest happiness of the great- 
est numbers-greatest number, number one ! Done, Stout ! — 
200/.!— ha ! ha ! ha !— I deal, Stout. Well done Political 
Economy — Ha ! ha ! ha I 

Sir John. Quite hysterical — drivelling ! Arn't you 
ashamed of yourselves ? His own cousins ! — all in a con- 
spiracy — a perfect gang of them. (Members indignant.) 

Stout. (To members.) Hush ! he's to marry Sir John's 
daughter. 

First Member. What, Stingy Jack's ? oh ? 

Chorus of Members. Oh ! oh ! 

Evelyn. (Rising in great agitation.) No more, no more— 
I've done ! — quite enough. Glossmore, Stout, Blount — III 
pay you to-morrow. I — I — . Death ! this is ruinous ! 

[ Seizes the snuff-box ; Old Members as before. 

Sir John. Ruinous. I dare say it is ! What has he lost ? 
What has he lost. Smooth ? Not much ? eh ? eh ? 

[ Omnes gather round Smooth. 

Smooth. Oh, a trifle, dear John ! — excuse me ! We never 
tell our winnings. ( To Blount.) How d'ye do, Fred ! ( To 
Glossmore.) By-the-bye, Charles don't you want to sell 
your house in Grosvenor Square ? — 12,000/., eh ? 

Glossmore. Yes, and the furniture at a valuation. About 
4,000/. more. 

Smooth, (looking over his poclcet book.) Urn ! — Well, we'll 
talk of it." 

Sir John. 12 and 3—15,000/. What a cold-blooded 
rascal it is !— 15,000/., Smooth ? 

Smooth. Oh, the house itself is a trifle, but the establish- 
ment — I'm considering whether I have enough to keep it up, 
ray dear John. 

Old Member. Waiter the snuff-box ! Scraping it round, 
and with a wry face) — And it's all gone ! — (Gives it to thi 
waiter to fill.) 
_— £*V JvfffCrXTurning round.) And it's all gone ! 

Eve. ( Starting up and laughing hystericcdly.) Hal ha I 
ha ! all gone ? not a bit of it. Smooth, this club is so noisy. 
Sir John, you are always in the way. Come to my house ! 
come 1 Charapaigne and a broiled bone. Nothing venture, no- 



48 MONEY. |_^ CT IV f 

thing have ! The luck must turn, and by Jupiter we'll mak* 
a night of it. 

Sir John. A night of it ! ! ! For Heaven's sake, Eve- 
lyn ! Evelyn ! ! — think what you are about ! — think of 
Georgina's feelings ! — think of your poor mother I — think of 
the babes unborn ! — think of — 

Eve. I'll think of nothing ! Zounds ! — you don't know 
what I have lost, man ; it's all your fault, distracting my at- 
tention 1 Pshaw — pshaw ! Out of the way, do ! Come, 
Smooth. Ha ! ha ! a night of it, my boy — a night of it ! 

[Exeunt Smooth and Evelyn. 

Sir John. (Following.) You must not, you shall not ! 
Evelyn, my dear Evelyn ! — he's drunk — he's mad 1 Will nti 
one send for the police ? 

Members. Ha ! ha ! ha ! — Poor old Stingy Jack I 

Old Member. (Rising for the first time in a great rage.) 
Waiter, the snuff-box ! 

END OF ACT IIL 



ACT IV. 

Scene I . — Tfit Anteroom in Evelyn's house, as in Scene I. 
Act II. Tabouret, Frantz and other tradesmen. 

Tab. (Half whispers.) So, I hear that Mr. Evelyn is turned 
gamester 1 There are strange reports about to-day — I don't 
know what to make of it ! We must look sharp, and make 
hay while the sun shines. 

[ Omnes shake their Jieads approvingly. 

Enter Smooth, r. c, from the inner room, with apocketbook and 
pencil in his hand. 

Smooth. (Looking round.) Hum ! ha ! Pine pictures 1 
( Feeling the curtains.) The new-fashioned velvet, hem ! — 
good-proportioned rooms ! Yes, this house is better than 
Qlossmore's !Oh, Mr. Tabouret, the upholsterer 1 you fur- 
nished these rooms ! All of the best, eh ! 

Tab. Oh ! the very best I Mr Evelyn is not a man to 
grudge expense, Sir ! 



Scene L] money. 49 

Smooth. He is not indeed. You've teen paid, I sap 
pose, Tabouret ? 

Tab. No. Sir, no — I never send in my bills when a cus* 
tomer is rich. (Aside.) Bills are like trees, and grow by 
standing. 

Smooth. Humph ! Not paid ? humph ! 

( Omnes gather round. 

Tab. [ To the tradesmen.] It's the great card-player, Cap- 
tain Smooth — finest player in Europe — cleaned out the 
Duke of Silly Yal. Uncommonly clever man I 

Smooth. (Pacing about the room.) Thirty-six feet by 
twenty-eight — Um 1 I think a bow-window there would 
be an improvement ; could it be done easily, Tabouret ? 

Tab. Have you bought the house, sir ? 

Smooth. Bought it ! — hum ! — ha ! — it depends — So you 
have not been paid yet ? — um ! Nor you — nor you — nor 
you? Hum? ah? 

Tab. No, sir ! — what then ? No fear of Mr. Evelyn I 
Ha ! ha ! 

Omnes. {Anxiously.) Ha ! ha ! — what then ? 

Franlz. Ah, sare, what den ? I'm a poor man with a 
family : dis way, Captain ! You've a little account in 
the books : and we'll e'en wipe it out altogether, if you'li 
say what you mean by that Umph. ! ha ! 

Smooth. Frantz, my dear fellow, don't oblige me to 
cane you ; I would not have Mr. Evelyn distressed for the 
world. - Poor fellow ! he holds very bad cards. So you've 
not been paid yet ? Don't send in your bills on any account 
- — Mind I Yes ; I don't dislike the house with some alter- 
ation. Good day to you — Hum ! ha I 

[Exit, looking about him, examining the chairs, tables, 8ft. 

Tab. Plain as a pikestaff ! — staked his very house on an 
odd trick I 

Enter Sharp, c, agitated and in a hurry. 

Sharp. O Lord ! Lord ! — who'd have thought it ? 

Cards are the devil's book I John ! — Thomas ! — Harris ! 

[Ringing the bell that was on the table. 

Enter Two Servants, c. 

Tom, take this letter to Sir John Yesf y's. If not at home, 

find him — he will give, you a cheque. Go to his banker'^ 



50 money. [Act IY. 

and get h cashed instantly. Quick — quick — off with 
you 1 

Tab. (Seizing Servant.) What's the matter ? — what's the 
matter ? How's Mr. Evelyn ? 

Serv. Bad — very bad 1 Sat up all night with Captain 
Smooth ! [Runs off, r. 

Sharp. (To the other Servant.) Yes, Harris, your poor 
master I dear 1 dear ! You will take this note to 
the Belgian minister, Portland-place. Passport for Os- 
tend ! Have the travelling carriage ready at a moment's 
notice ! 

Tab. ( Stopping Servant.) Passport ! Hark ye, my man ; 
Ls he going to put the salt seas between us and our mo- 
ney ? 

Serv. Don't stop me — something wrong in the chest — 
chenge of air — late hours — and Captain Smooth ! [Exit, r. 

Sharp. (Walking about.) And if the bank should break 1 
— if the bank is broke, and he can't draw out I — bound to 
Smooih I 

Tab. Bank !— what bank ? 

Sharp. Flash's bank 1 Flash, brother-in-law to Captain 
Smooth ! What have you heard ? — eh ? — eh ? 

Tab. That there's an awful run on it I 

Sharp. I must be off. Go — go — you can't see M>. Eve- 
lyn to-day ! 

Tab. My account, Sir ! 

Franiz. O Sare, de great gentlemen always tii& first 
of the tailor I 

Sharp. Call again — call again at Christmas. The bank, 
the cards — the cards, the bank 1 O dear I dear ! [EHt,c. 

Tab. The bank ! 

Frantz. And all dat vill be seen of de great Evelyn 
coat is de back of it. Donner and hagel ! — I vil arrest 
him — I vil put de salt on de tail of it 1 

Tab. {Aside.) I'll slip down to the city and see how t\e 
bank goes ! Ay, ay, stick by each other — share and sha: * 
alike — that's my way, Sir. 

Ounes Share and share alike. [Exmnt, I 

Enter Servhnt, Glossmore, and Blount, c. 

Serv. My master is not very well my lord ; but I'll let 
him know. [Exit, 



" 



Scene I.] money. 51 

Gloss, Fm very carious to learn the result of bis gam 
bling tete-a-tete with Deadly Smooth ! 

Blount. Oh, he's so howwidly wich, he can afford even 
a tete-a-tete with Deadly Smooth ! 

Gloss. Poor old Stingy Jack ; why, Georgiua was your 
intended. 

Blount. Yes ; and I really liked the girl, though out of 
pique I pwoposed to ber cousin. But what can a man do 
against money. 

(EJE Enter Evelyn, a 

If we could start fair, you'd see w r hom Georgina would 
Dwcfer : but she's sacwificed by her father ! She as much 
as told me so I [Crosses 7 r. 

Eve. So, so, gentlemen, we've a little account to settle 
— one hundred each. 

Both. Don't talk of it. 

Eve. Well, I won't !— (Taking Blount aside.) Ha ! ha ! 
you'd hardly believe it — but I'd rather not pay you just at 
present ; my money is locked up, and I must wait, you 
know, for the Groginhole rents. So 1 instead of owing 
you one hundred pounds, suppose I owe you five ? You 
can give me a cheque for the other four. „ And, hark ye, 
not a word to Glossmore. 

Blount. Glossmore 1 the greatest gossip in London ! I 
shall be delighted I — (Aside.) It never does harm to lend 
to a wich man ; one gets it back somehow. By the way, 
Evelyn, if you want my gwey cab-horse, you may have 
him for two hundred pounds, and that will make seven ! 

Eve. (Aside.) That's the fashionable usury : your friend 
does not take interest — he sells you a horse. (Aloud.) 
Blount, it's a bargain. 

Blunt. ( Writing the cheque, and musingly. ) No : I don't 
6ee what harm it can do to me ; that off leg must end in a 
spavin. 

Eve. (to Glossmore.) That hundred pounds I owe you is 
rather inconvenient at present ; I've a large sum to make 
up for the Groginhole property — perhaps you would lend 
me five or six hundred more — just to go on with ? 

Gloss. Certainly 1 Hopkins is dead : your interest for 
Cipher would — 

Eve. Why, 1 can't promise that at this moment. Btft 



52 money. [Act IV. 

as a slight mark of friendship and gratitude, I shall be very 
much flattered if you'll accept a splendid grey cab-horse 
I bought to-day — cost two hundred pounds ! 

Gloss. Bought to-day! — then I'm safe. My dear fel- 
low 1 you're always so princely ! 

Eve. Nonsense ! just write the cheque ; and, hark ye ! — 
not a syllable to Blount ! 

Gloss. Blount ? He's the town-crier ! [Goes to write. 

Blount, (giving Evelyn tne cheque.) Wansom's Pall-mall 
East. 

Eve. Thank you. So, you proposed to Miss Douglas ! 

Blount. Hang it ! yes ; I could have sworn that she fan- 
cied me ; her manner, for instance, that very day you 
pwoposed for Miss Vesey — 

Gloss, {giving the cheque.) Ransom's, Pall-mall East 
Tell me, did you win or lose last night ? 

Eve. Win I lose ! oh ! No more of that, if you love 
me. I must send off at once to the banker's (looking at 
the two c/ieques.) 

Gloss. (Aside.) Why ! he's borrowed from Blount, too I 

Blount. (Aside.) That's a cheque from Lord Glossmore ! 

Eve. Excuse me ; I must dress ; I have not a moment 
to lose. You remember you dine with me to-day — seven 
o'clock. You'll see Smooth. ( With tears in his eyes.) It 
may be the last time I shall ever welcome you here ! — 
What am I saying ? — Oh, merely a joke ! — good by — good 
by. [ Shaking them heartily by the hand. Exit } c. 

Blount. Glossmore ! 

Gloss. Blount ! 

Blount. I am afraid all's not wight I 

Gloss. I incline to your opinion ! 

Blount. But I've sold my gwey cab-horse. 

Gloss. Grey cab-horse 1 you ! What is he really worth 
now ? 

Blount. Since he is sold, I will tell you — Not a six- 
pence ! 

Gloss. Not a sixpence ! he gave it to me ! 

Blount. That was devilish unhandsome ! Do you know, 
I feel nervous ! 

Gloss. Nervous ! Let us run and stop payment of our 
cheques. 

Blount. Holloa, John ! where so fast ? 



Scene II.] money. 58 

Enter Servant, c. in great haste. 

Serv. Beg pardon, Sir Frederick, to Pall-mall East — 
Messrs. Ransom. [Exit, r. 

Blount, (solemnly.) Glossmore, we are floored ! 
Gloss. Sir, the whole town shall know of it ! 
Mount. Vewy scurvy tweatment. [Exeunt, r. 

Scene II. — A Splendid Saloon in Evelyn's house. 
Enter Evelyn and Graves. 

Graves. You've withdrawn your money from Flash and 
Brisk ? 

Eve. No. 

Graves. No ! — then — 
Enter Sir John, Lady Franklin, Georgina, and Stout, r. 

Sir John. You got the check for £500 safely ? — too 
happy to — 

Eve. (Interrupting him.) My best thanks ? my warmest 
gratitude ! So kind in you ! so seasonable ! — that £500 — 
you don't know the value of that £500 I shall never for- 
get your nobleness of conduct. 

Sir John. Gratitude ! Nobleness ! — (aside) I can't 
have been taken in 1 

Eve. And in a moment of such distress ! 

Sir John. (Aside.) Such distress 1 He picks out the 
ugliest words in the whole dictionary ! 

Eve. I've done with Smooth. But I'm still a little crip- 
pled, and you must do me another favor. 

Sir John. What's coming now, I wonder ? 

Eve Georgina's fortune is £10,000. I always meant, 
my dear John, to present you with that little sum. 

Sir John. Oh, Evelyn ! your generosity is positively 
touching ( Wipes his eyes.) 

Eve. But I have so many heavy debts at this moment — 
that — that — . But I see Georgina is listening, and I'll say 
what I have to say to her. (Crosses to her.) 

Sir John. No, no — no, no. Girls don't understand bus- 
ness ! 

Eve. The very reason I speak to her. This is an affair, 
not of business but of feeling. Stout, show Sir John my 
Correggio 



64 monet. [Act. IV. 

Sir John. ( Aside.) Devil take his Correggio ! The man 
is born to torment me ! ( Stout takes him in.) 

Eve. My dear Georgina, whatever you may hear said of 
me, I flatter myself that you feel confidence in my honor. 

Geor. Can you doubt it ! 

Eve. I confess that I am embarrassed at this moment ; I 
have been weak enough to lose money at play, and there 
ore other demands on me. I promise you never to gamble 
again as long as I live. My affairs can be retrieved, but 
for the first few years of our marraige it may be necessary 
to retrench. 

Geor. Retrench ! 

Eve. To live perhaps altogether in the country. 

Geor. Altogether in the country ! 

Eve. To confine ourselves to a modest competence. 

Geor. Modest competence ! I knew something horrid 
was coming. 

Enter Sir F. Blount, b. 

Eve. And now, Georgina, you may have it in your pow- 
er at this moment to save me from much anxiety and hu- 
miliation. My money is locked up — my debts of honor 
must be settled — you are of age — your i£10,000 in your 
own hands — 

Sir Jo/in. (Stout listening as well as Sir John.) I'm 
standing on hot iron ! 

Eve. If you could lend it to me for a few weeks — Can 
you give me this proof of your confidence 1 Remember, 
without confidence, what is wedlock. 

Sir John. (Aside to her.) No 1 (Aloud, pointing his glass 
at the Correggio.) Yes, the picture may be fine. 

S( out. But you don't like the subject ! 

Geor. (Aside.) He may be only trying me ! Best leave 
ft to papa. 

Eve. Well 

Geor You — you shall hear from me to-morrow — 
{Aside.) Ah there's that dear Sir Frederick. (Goes to 
Blount.) 

Enter Glossmore and Smooth, r. , Evelyn salutes \hm % 
faying Smooth servile respect. 
Lady Frank. (To Graves.) Ha ! ha ! To be so dis* 
lurbed yesterday — was it not droll ? 



Scene II.] money. 55 

Graves. Never rejur to that humiliating topic. 

Gloss, (lo Stout.) See how Evelyn fawns upon S *iooth 1 

Stout. How mean in him ! Smooth — a professional gam- 
bler — a fellow who lives by his wits ! I would not know 
such a man on any account ? 

Smooth. (To Gloss.) So Hopkins is dead — you want 
■ipher to come in for Groginhole, ek ? 

Gloss. What ! — could you manage it ? 

Smooth. Ce cher Charles — anything to oblige 1 

Stout. Groginhole ! What can he have to do with Gro- 
ginhole ? Glossmore, present me to Smooth. 

Gloss. What ! the gambler — the fellow who lives by his 
wits ? 

Stout. Why his wits seem to be an uncommonly pro- 
ductive capital ! I'll introduce myself. How d'ye do, Cap- 
tain Smooth ? We have met at the club, I think — I am 
charmed to make your acquaintance in private. I say, sir, 
what do you think of the affairs of the nation ! Bad 1 very 
bad !- — no enlightenment ! — great fall off in the revenue ! — 
no knowledge of finance 1 There's only one man who can 
save the country — and that's Popkins I 

Smooth. Is he in parliament, Mr. Stout ? What's your 
Christian name, by-the-bye ? 

Stout. Benjamin — no ; constituencies are so ignorant, 
they don't understand his value. He's no orator ; in fact, 
he stammers so much — but devilish profound. Could not 
we ensure him for Groginhole. 

Smooth. My dear Benjamin, it's a thing to be thought 
on. 

Eve. (Advancing.) My friends, I wish to consult you. 
This day twelvemonth I succeeded to an immense income, 
and as, by a happy coincidence, on the same day I secured 
your esteem, so now I wish to ask you if you think I could 
have spent that income in a way more worthy of your good 
opinion ? 

Gloss. Impossible ! excellent taste — beautiful house 1 

Blount. Vewy good horses — (aside to Glossmore,) especi- 
ally the gwey cab 1 

Lady Frank. Splendid pictures. 

Graves. And a magnificent cook, ma'am I 

Smooth. ( Thrusting his hands in his pockets.) It's my 
opinion, Alfred — and I'm a judge — that you could not have 
spent your money better I 



56 money. [Act IT 

Omnes (except Sir John.) Very true ! 

Eve. What say you, Sir John ? 

Hir John. Certainly — certainly ! No, you could not have 
done better. — (Aside.) I don't know what to make of it. 

Geor. Certainly. — (Coaxingly.) Don't retrench, my dear 
Alfred ! 

Gloss. Retrench ! nothing so plebeian ! it is against all 
the rules of public morality. Every one knows now-a-days, 
that extravagance is a benefit to the population — encourages 
art — employs labor, and multiplies spinning-jennies. 

Eve. You reassure me ! — I own I did think that a man 
worthy of friends so sincere, might have done something bet- 
ter than feast — dress-v drink — play — 

Gloss. Nonsense ! we like you the better for it. — (Aside) 
I wish I had my 600/. back, though. 

■. Eve. And you are as much my friends now as when you 
offered me 10/. for my old nurse. 

Sir John. A thousand times more so, my dear boy ! 

[Omnes approve 

Enter Sharp, r. 

Smocth. But who's our new friend ? 

Eve. Who ! the very man who first announced to me the 
wealth which you allow I have spent so well. But what's 
the matter, Sharp ? [Sharp whispering Evelyn, 

Eve. (Aloud). The bank's broke ! 

Sir John. Broke ! — what bank ? 

Eve. Flash, Brisk, and Co. 

Gloss. (To Smooth.) And Flash was your brother-in-law. 
I'm very sorry. 

Sirwoth. ( Taking snuff .) Not at all, Charles — I did not 
bank there. 

Sir John. But I warned you — you withdrew ? 

Eve. Alas ! no 1 

Sir John. Oh !— not much in their hands ? 

Eve. Why, I told you the purchase money for Grogin- 
hole was at my bankers'. But no, no ; don't look so fright- 
ened ! It was not placed with Flash — it is at Hoare*s — it 
is indeed. Nay, I assure you it is ! A mere trifle at Flash's 
—upon my word, now ! To-morrow, Sharp, we'll talk of 



Scene II.] money. 

this ! One day more — one day at least for enjoyment ! 

Sir John. Oh ! a pretty enjoyment ! 

Blow/it. And he borrowed 700/. of me ! 

Gloss. And 600/. of me ! 

Sb John And 500/. of me ! 

Stout. Oh ! a regular Jeremy Diddler I I say, you have 
placed your daughter in a very unsafe investment. Transfer 
the stock in hand to t'other speculation. 

Sir John. ( Going to Georgina.) Ha ! I'm afraid we've 
been very rude to Sir Frederick. A monstrous fine young 
man ! 

Enter Toke, r. 

Toke. ( To Evelyn.) Sir I beg your pardon, but Mr. Mac- 
finch insists on my giving up this letter instantly. 

Eve. (Reading.) How I Sir John, this fellow, Macfinch, 
has heard of my misfortunes, and insists on being paid ; — a 
lawyer's letter — quite insolent ! 

Toke. And, Sir, Mr. Tabouret is below, and declares he 
won't stir till he's paid. Exit r. 

Eve. Won't stir till he's paid ! What's to be done, Sir 
John ? — Smooth, what is to be done ? 

Smooth. If he won't stir till he's paid, make him up a 
bed, and I'll take him in the inventory as one of the fixtures, 
Alfred ! 

Eve. It is very well for you to joke, Mr, Smooth. But — 

Enter Servant and Officer, giving a paper to Evelyn, and 
whispering. 

Eve. What's this? Frantz, the tailor. Why you impu- 
dent scroundrel ! Faith ! this is more than I bargained for 
— Sir John, I'm arrested. Enter Servant, r. 

Stout. (Slapping Sir John on the back with glee.) He's ar- 
rested, old gentleman ! But I didn't lend him a farthing ! 

Eve. And for a mere song — 150/. Sir John, pay this 
fellow, will you ? or bail me, or something — while we go to 
dinner. 

Sir John. Pay— bail— I'll be d d if I do !— Oh. mv 

500/.! my 500/.! Mr. Alfred Evelyn, I want my 500/.! 

Graves. I'm going to do a very silly thing I shall lose both 
my friend and my money ; — just like my luck ! — Evelyn, go 
to dinner — I'll settle this for you. 



>8 money. [Act IV 

Lady Frank. I love you for that ! 

Graves. Do you ? then I am the happiest — Ah I ma'am. 
I don't know what I am saying ! 

[Exeunt Graves and Officer, r. 

Evt. ( To Georgina.) Don't go by these appearances ! 1 
repeat, 10,000/. will more than cover all my embarrassments, 
i shall hear from you to-morrow ? 

Geor. Yes — yes ! Going up, r. 

Eve. But you're not going ? — You, too, Glossmore ?— 
you, Blount ? — you Stout ? — you, Smooth ? 

Smooth. No ; I'll stick by you — as long as you've a gui- 
nea to stake ! 

Stout. Don't stop me, Sir. No man of common enlight- 
enment would have squandered his substance in this way. 
Pictures snd statues ! — baugh ! 

Eve. Why, you all said I could not spend my money bet- 
ter ! Ha ! ha ! ha ! — the absurdest mistake ! — you don't 
fancy I'm going to prison ? — Ha ! ha ! — Why don't you 
laugh, Sir John ? — Ha ! ha ! ha ! 

Sir John. Sir, this is horrible levity ! — Take Sir Frede- 
rick's arm, my poor injured, innocent child ! — Mr, Evelyn, 
after this extraordinary scene, you can't be surprised that I 
— I — Zounds ! I'm suffocating ! 

Smooth. But, my dear John, they've no right to arrest 
the dinner 1 

^~-^ Enter Tore, c. 

Toke. Dinner is served. 

Gloss. (Pausing.) Dinner ! 

Stout. Dinner ! — it's a very good smell ! 

l±re. ( To Sir John.) Turtle and vension too ? 

[ They stop irresolute. 

Eve. That's right — come along. But, I say, Blount — 
Stout — Glossmore — Sir John — one word first : will you lend 
I 10/. for my old nurse ? 

[Exeunt cmvcs, indignantly, h 

Smooth and Evelyn. Ha ! ha ! ha ! 



END OF ACT IT 



Scene II. j money. 59 

ACT V. 

Scene I.— * * * * >$ Club. 

Smooth and Glossmore, discovered. 

Glos%. Will liis horses be sold, think you ? 
Smooth Very possibly, Charles ! — a tine stud — hum ha 
Waiter, a glass of sherry ! 

Eider Waiter, c. with Sherry. 

Gloss. They say he must go abroad ! 

Smooth Well ! its the best time of year for travelling, 
Charles. 

Gloss We are all to be paid to-day ; and that looks sus- 
picious ! 

Smooth. Very suspicious, Charles 1 Hum I — ah 1 

Gloss. My dear fellow, you must know the rights of the 
matter : I wish you'd speak out. What have you really won ? 
Is the house itself gone ? 

Smooth The house itself is certainly not gone, Charles, 
for I saw it exactly in the same place this morning at half 
past ten — it has not moved an inch I 

Waiter gives a letter to Glossmore. 

Gloss. (Reading.) From Groginhole — an express ! — 
What's this? I'm amazed ! I ! (Reading.) "They've actual- 
ly at the eleventh hour started Mr. Evelyn ; and nobody 
knows what his politics are 1 We shall be beat ! — the con- 
stitution is gone 1 — Cipher 1" Oh ! this is infamous in Eve- 
lyn! Gets into Parliament just to keep himself out of the 
Bench ! 

Smooth. He's capable of it 1 

Gloss. Not a doubt of it, Sir ! — not a doubt of it ! 

Enter Sir Jonx and Blount, c. talking 

Sir John. My dear boy, I'm not flint ! I am but a man ! 
If Georgina really loves you — and I am sure that she does 
1 will never thiuk of sacrificing her happiness to ambition — « 
she is yours ; I told her so this very morning. 

Blount.. (Aside.) The old humbug 1 

Sir John. She's the best of daughters ! — the most obe- 
dient, artless creature ! Dine with me at seven, and we'ii 
talk of the settlement*. 



60 money. [Act II 

Enter Stout, c. wiping his forehead, and taking Sir John 

aside. 

Stoui Sir John, we've been played upon ! My secretary 
is brother to Flash's head clerk ; Evelyn had not 300/. in 
the bank 1 

Sir John. Bless us and save us! you take away my breath ! 
But then — Deadly Smooth — the arrest — the — oh, he must 
De done up ! 

Stout. As to Smooth, he'd " do anything to oblige." All 
a trick, depend on it 1 Smooth has already deceived me, 
for before the day's over Evelyn will be member for Grogin- 
hole ! 

Sir John. But what could be Evelyn's object ? 
Stout. Object ? Do you look for an object in a whimsi- 
cal creature like that? A man who has not even any poli- 
tical opinions ! Object ! Perhaps to break off his match 
with your daughter ! Take care Sir John, or the borough 
will be lost to your family ! 

Sir John. Aha ! I begin to smell a rat ! But it's not too 
late yet. 

Stoui. My interest in Popkins made me run to Lord 
Spendquick, the late proprietor of Groginhole. I told him 
that Evelyn could not pay the rest of the money ; and he 
told me that — * 

Sir John. What ? 

Stout Mr. Sharp had just paid it him ; there's no hope 
for Popkins ! England will rue this day ! [Goes up stage. 

btr John. Georgina shall lend him the money ! I'll lend 
him—every man in the house shall lend him— I feel affain 
what it is to be a father-in-law ? Sir Frederick excuse me- 
you can t dine with me to-day. And, on second thoughts I 




happy 



you as a friend Waiter ! my carriage V^ 7 wE W 
bug Sttngy Jack, will they ? Ah 1 a°good joke, indeed! 

John7 n l *£: Stou V vl,at have you been s^yinglf 'g£ 

do ' denv t 'IT rfi my dlaraCter > l kn ™ ^ have 
aon t deny it. Sir, I shall expect satisfaction ! 

&tout. Satisfaction, Sir Frederick? as if a man of en- 



Scene 11.1 money. 61 

llghtenmeut had any satisfaction in fighting ! Did not men- 
tion your name ; we were talking of Evelyn. Only think I 
he's no more ruined than you are. 

Blount. No wuined ? Aha, now I understand ! — So, so ! 
Stay, let me see — she's to meet me in the square ! — (Fulls 
out his watch ; a very small one.) 

Stout, (Pulling out his own ; a very large one.) I must be 
off to the vestry. 

Blount. Just in time ! — ten thousand pounds ! Gad, my 
blood's up, and I won't be tweated ia this way, if he were 
fifty times Stingy Jack ! [Exit, c. 

Scene II. — The drawing-rooms in Sir John Yesey's house. 
Enter Lady Franklin and Graves, r. 

Graves. Well, well, I am certain that poor Evelyn Iovjs 
Clara still : but you can't persuade me that she cares for him 

Lady Frank. She has been breaking her heart ever since 
she heard of his distress. Nay, I am sure she would give 
all she has could it save him from the consequences of his 
own folly. 

Graves. (Half aside.) She would give him his own money, 
if she did. I should like just to sound her. 

Lady Frank. (Ringing the bell.) And you shall. 

Enter Servant, r. 

Where are the young ladies ? 

Serv. Miss Vesey is, I believe, still in the square ; Miss 
Douglas is just come in, my lady. 

Lady Frank. What, did not she go out with Miss Ve- 
sey? 

Serv. No, my lady ; I attended her to Drummond's, the 
bankers Eztf, r. 

Liady Frank. Drummond's X 

Enter Clara, r. 

Why, child, what on earth could take you to Drummond's 
at this hour of the day ? 

Clara. (Confused.) Oh, I— that is— I— Ah, Mr. Graves ! 
How is Mr. Evelyn 1 How does he bear up against so sud- 
den a reverse ? 

Graves, With an awful calm. I fear all is not right here 1 



62 money. [Act V, 

( Tousling his head.) — The report in the town is, that he must 
go abroad instojitly — perhaps to-day ! 

[ Crosses to c. 

Clara. Abroad ! — to-dny ! 

Graves. But all his creditors will be paid ; and he only 
seems anxious to know if Miss Yesey remains true in his 
misfortunes. 

Clara, All ! he loves her so much, then ! 

Graves. Urn ? — That's more than I can say. 

Clara. She told me, last night, that he said to the last 
that 10,000/. would free him from all liabilities — that was 
the sum, was it not ? 

Graven Yes • he persists in the same assertion. Will 
Miss Vesey lend it ? 

Lady Frank. (Aside.) If she does I shall not think so 
well of her poor dear mother ; for I am sure she'd be no 
child of Sir John's ! 

Graves. I should like to convince myself that my poor 
friep.d has nothing to hope from a woman's generosity. 

J ady Frank. Civil ! And are men, then, less covetous ? 

(haves. I know one man, at least, who, rejected in his 
po'erty by one as poor as himself, no sooner came into sud 
de t fortune than he made his lawyer invent a codicil which 
tb»5 testator never dreamt of, bequeathing independence tv 
tin woman who had scorned him. 

Lady Frank, And never told her ? 

Graves. Never 1 There's no such document at Doctors' 
Commons, depend on it ! You seem incredulous, Miss Clara I 
Good day ! [Crosses, r 

Clara. (Following him. )One word, for mercy's sake ! Do 
I understand you right ? Ah, how could I be so blind 1 
Generous Evelyn ! 

Graces. You appreciate, and Georgina will desert him. 

Miss Douglas, he loves you still. If that's not just like 

me ! Meddling with other people's affairs, as if they were 
worth it — hang them ! [Exit, n. 

Clara. Georgina will desert him. Do you think so ? 

Lady Frank. She told me, last night, that she would 
never see him again. To do her justice, she's less interested 
than her father, and as much attached as she can be to ano- 
ther. Even while engaged to Evelyn she has met Sir Frede- 
rick every day in the square. 



Scene III.] money. 63 

Clara. And he is alone — sad — forsaken — ruined. And 
I, whom he enriched — I, the creature of his bounty — I, 
once the woman of his love — I stand idly here to content 
myself with tears and prayers I Oh, Lady Franklin, have 
pity on me — on him ! We are both of kin to him — as re- 
lations we have both a right to comfort ! Let us 'go to 
him — come 1 

Lady Frank, No ! it would scarcely be right — remem- 
ber the world — I cannot. 

Clara. All abandon him — then I will go alone ! 

Lady Frank. But if Georgina do indeed release him — 
if she has already done so — what will he think ! What 
but — 

Clara. What but — that, if he love me still, I may have 
enough for both, and I am by his side ! But that is too 
bright a dream. He told me I might call him brother ! 

Where, now, should a sister be ? But — but — I — I — I 

tremble 1 If, after all — if — if In one word — Am I too 

bold ? The world — my conscience can answer that — but 
do you think that he could despise me ? 

Lady Frank. No, Clara, no ? Your fair soul is too 
transparent for even libertines to misconstrue. Something 
tells me that this meeting may make the happiness of 
both 1 You cannot go alone. My presence justifies all. 
Give me your hand — we will go together I [Exit, r. 

Scene. — III. — A room in Evelyn's house 

Enter Evelyn, r. 

Eve. Yes ; as yet, all surpasses my expectations. I am 
sure of Smooth — I have managed even Sharp ; my elec- 
tion will seem but an escape from a prison. Ha I ha ! 
True, it cannot last long ; but a few hours more are all I 
require. 

Enter Graves, r. 

Well, Graves, what do the people say of me ? 

Graves. Everything that's bad 1 

Eve. Three days ago I was universally respected. I 
awake this morning to find myself singularly infamous 
Yet I am the same man. 

Graves. Humph ! why gambling 



64 money. [Act V 

Eve. Can ! it was not criminal to gamble — it was crimi* 
nal to lose. Tat ! — will you deny that, if I had ruined 
Smooth instead of myself, every hand would have grasped 
mine yet more cordially, and every lip would have smiled 
congratulations on my success ? Man — Man ! I've not 
been rich and poor for nothing ! The Yices and the Vir- 
tues are written in a language the World cannot con- 
strue ; it reads them in a vile translation, and the trans- 
lators are Failure and Success ! You alone are un- 
changed. 

Graves. There's no merit in that. I am always ready 
to mingle my tears with any man. [Aside.] I know I'm a 
fool, but I can't help it. Hark ye, Evelyn 1 I like you — 
I'm rich ; and anything I can do to get you out of your 
hobble will give me an excuse to grumble for the rest of 
my life. There, now it's out. 

Eve. [Touched.] There's something good in human na- 
ture after all ! My dear friend, did I want your aid I 
would accept it, but 1 can extricate myself yet. Do you 
think Georgina will give me the same proof of confidence 
and affection. 

Graves. Would you break your heart if she did not ! 

Eve. It is in vain to deny that I still love Clara. 

Graves. What do you intend to do ? 

Eve. This : — If Georgina still adheres to my fortunes, 
if she can face the prospect, not of ruin and poverty, for 
reports wrong me there, but of a moderate independence ; 
if, in one word, she loves me for myself, I will shut Clara 
for ever from my thought. I am pledged to Georgina, and 
I will carry to the altar a soul resolute to deserve her af- 
fection and fulfil its vows. 

Graves. And if she reject you ? 

Eve. (Joyfully,) If she do, I am free once more 1 And 
then — then I will dare to ask, for I can ask without disho- 
nor, if Clara can explain the past and bless the future 1 

Enter Servant, r. with a letter. 

Eve. (Crosses to meet him. — After reading it.) The die is 
cast — the dream is over ! Generous girl 1 Oh, Georgina ! 
I will deserve you yet. 

Graves. Georgina, is it possible ? 

Eve. And the deHcacy, the womanhood, the exquisite 



Scene III.] money 65 

grace of this ! How we misjudge the depth of the human 
heart ! I imagined her incapable of this devotion. 

Graves. And / too ! 

Eve. It were base in me to continue this trial a moment 
longer : I will write at once to undeceive that generous 
heart. (Writing.) 

Graves. I would have given 1000*. if that little jade 
Clara had been beforehand : but just like my luck 1 if I 
want a man to marry one woman, he's sure to marry ano- 
ther on purpose to vex me ! [Evelyn rings the bell. 

Enter Servant, r. 

Eve, Take this instantly to Miss Vesey ; say I will call 
in an hour. * (Exit Servant.) { Why does my heart sink 
within me ? Why, why, looking to the fate to come, do 
1 1 see only the memory of what has been ? 

Graves. You are re-engaged then to Georgina ! 
\ £ve. Irrevocably. 

V1 Enter Servant, r., announcing Lady Franklin and 
Miss Douglas. 

Lady FranJe. My dear Evelyn, you may think it strange 
to receive such visitors at this moment ; but, indeed, it is 
no time for ceremony. We are your relations — it is re- 
ported you are about to leave the country — we come to ask 
frankly what we can do to serve you ? 

Eve. Madam — I 

Lady Frank. Come, come — do not hesitate to confide 
in us ; Clara is less a stranger to you than I am : your 
friend here will perhaps let me consult with him. [Crosses 
and speaks , aside, to Graves.] — Let us leave them to them- 
selves. 

Graves. You're an angel of a widow ; but you come too 
late, as whatever is good for anything generally does. 

(Goes up with Lady Franklin. 

Eve. Miss Douglas, I may well want words to thank 
you ; this goodness — this sympathy — 

Clara. (Abandoning Iverself to her emotion.) Evelyn ! 
Evelyn ! Do not talk thus ! — Goodness 1 sympathy ! — I 
have learned all — all I It is for me to speak of gratitude ) 
To you — you — I owe all that has raised the poor orphan 
from servitude and dependence I While your words wer« 



66 MONEY. { A.CT V 

so bitter, youi deeds so gentle I Oh ! noble Evelyn, this, 
then, was your revenge I 

Eve. You owe me no thanks ; that revenge was sweet ! 
Think you it was nothing to feel that my presence haunted 
you, though you knew it not ? Even if separated for ever 
— even if another's — even in distant years — perhaps in a 
happy home, listening to sweet voices, that might call you 
"mother l f — even then should the uses of that dross bring 
to your lips one smile — that smile was mine — due to me — 
due, as a sacred debt, to the hand that you rejected — to the 
love that you despised 1 

Clara. Despised ! See the proof that I despised you ! 
see : in this hour, when they say you are again as poor as 
before, I forget the world — my pride — perhaps too much 
my sex : I remember but your sorrow —lam here ! 

Eve. And is this the same voice that, when I knelt at 
your feet, and asked but Give day the hope to call you mine ; 
— spoke only of poverty, and answered, " Never V 

Clara. Because I had been unworthy of your love if I 
had ensured your misery. Evelyn, hear me ! - My father, 
like you, was poor — generous ; gifted, like you, with genius, 
ambition ; sensitive, like you, to the least breath of insult. 
He married, as you would have done — married one whose 
only dowry was penury and care ! Alfred, I saw that 
genius the curse to itself ! — I saw that ambition wither to 
despair ! — I saw the struggle — the humiliation — the proud 
man's agony — the bitter life — the early death ! — and heard 
over his breathless clay my mother's groan of self-reproach ! 
Alfred Evelyn, now speak ! Was the woman you loved so 
nobly, to repay you with such a doom ? 

Eve. Clara, we should have shared it ! 

Clara. Shared ? Never let the woman who really loves, 
comfort her selfishness with such delusion I In marriages 
like this the wife cannot share the burden ; it is he — the 
husband— to provide, to scheme, to work, to endure — to 
grind out his strong heart at the miserable wheel ! The 
wife, also, cannot share the struggle — she can but witness 
despair 1 And, therefore, Alfred, I rejected you. 

Eve. Yet you believe me as poor now as I was then. 

Clara. But 1" am not poor ; we are not so poor ! Of this 
fortune, which is all your own — if, as I hear, one half would 
free you from your debts, why, we have the ether half still 
left, Evelyn ! It is humble — but it is not penury. 



Scene III.] money. 61 

Eve. Cease, cease — you know not how you torture me. 
Oh — why were such blessed words not vouchsafed to me 
before ? — why, why come they now — too late ? Oh, hea- 
ven — too late 1 

Clara. Too late ! What then have I said ? 

Eve. I am bound by every tie of faith, gratitude, loyalty, 
and honor, to another ! 

Clara. Another I Is she, then, true to your reverses ? 
I did not know this — indeed, I did not ! And I have thus 
betrayed myself ! 0, shame I he must despise me now 1 

[Goes up. 

Eider Sir John ; at Ike same time Graves and Lady 
Franklin come down. 

Sir John. ( With dignity and frankness.) Evelyn, I was 
hasty yesterday. You must own it natural that I should 
be so. But Georgina has been so urgent in your defence, 
that — that I cannot resist her. What's money without 
happiness ? So give me your security ; for she insists on 
lending you the 10,G00/. 

Eve. I know, and have already received it. 

Sir John, (r ) Already received it 1 Is he joking ? Faith, 
or the last two days I believe I have been living amongst 
the Mysteries of Udolpho 1 Sister, have you seen Geor- 
gina ? 

Lady Frank, (r.) Not since she went out to walk in the 
square. 

Sir John. (Aside.) She's not in the square nor the house. 
Where the deuce can the girl be ? 

Eve. I have written to Miss Vesey — I have asked her 
to fix the day for our wedding. 

Sir John. (Joyfully.) Have you ? Go, Lady Franklin, 
find her instantly — she must be back by this time ; take my 
carriage, it is but a step — you won't be two minutes gone. 
(Aside.) I'd go myself, but I'm afraid of leaving him in a mo- 
ment while he's in such excellent dispositions. 

Lady Frank. (Repulsing Clara.) No, no : stay till I re- 
turn. [Exit, r. 

Sir John. And don't be down-hearted, my dear fellow : 
if the worst come to the worst, you will have everything I 
can leave you. Meantime, if I can in any way help you — 



68 money. [Act V. 

Eve. Ha ! — you ! — you, too ? Sir John, you Lave seen 
my letter to Miss Yesey ? — (Aside.) or could she have learn- 
ed the truth before she ventured to be generous ? 

Sir John. No ; on ray honor. ( Shouts loithonl. Hurrah — 
hurrah ! Blue forever I J What's that ? 

Enter Sharp, r, 

Shirp. Sir, a deputation from Groginhole — poll closed 
in the first hour — you are returned? Hollow, Sir — hollow 

Eve. And it was to please Clara ! 

Sir John. Mr. Sharp — Mr. Sharp — I say, how much has 
Mr. Evelyn lost by Messrs. Flash & Co. 

Sharp. Oh, a great deal, Siiv — a great deal. 

Sir John. (Alarmed. ) How ! — a great deal ! 

Eve. Speak the truth, Sharp — concealment is all over. 

Sharp. 223Z. 6s. 3d. — a great sum to throw away. 

Sir John, Eh I what, my dear boy ? — what ? Ha 1 ha ! 
all humbug, was it ? — all humbug, upon my soul I So, Mr. 
Sharp, isn't he ruined after all ? — not the least, wee, ras- 
cally, little bit in the world, ruined ? 

Sharp. Sir, he has never lived up to his income. 

Sir John. Worthy man 1 I could jump up to the ceiling ! 
I am the happiest father-in-law in the three kingdoms. — 
(KnocJcing, R.j And that's my sister's knock, too. 

Clara. Since I was mistaken, cousin — since, now, you 
do not need me — forget what has passed ; my busiuess here 
is over. Farewell ! 

Eve. Could you but see my heart at this moment, with 
what love, what veneration, what anguish it is filled ! And 
must we part now — now, when — when — 

Enter Lady Franklin and Georgina, followed by 
Blount, who looks shy and embarrassed. 

Graves. Georgina herself — then there's no hope ! 

Sir John. What the deuce brings that fellow Blount 
here ? Georgy, my dear Georgy, 1 want to — 

Eve. Stand back, Sir John. 

Sir John. But I must speak a word to her — I want to — 

Eve. Stand back, I say — not a whisper — nor a sign. If 
your daughter is to be my wife, to her heart only will I look 
for a reply to mine. 

Lady Frank. [To Georgina.'] Speak the truth, niece 



Scene III.] money. 69 

Eve, Georgina, it is true, then, that you trust me with 
your confidence— your fortune ? Is it also true that, when 
you did so, you believed me ruined ? Answer as if your 
father stood not there — answer as the woman's heart, yet 
virgin and upolluted should answer, to one who has trusted to 
it his all ! 

Gear. What can he mean ? 

Sir John. (Making signs,) She won't look this way, sh$ 
won't ! — hang her — Hem ! 

Eve. You falter. I implore — I adjure you, answer 1 

Lady Frank. The truth 1 

Gear. Mr. Evetyn ; your fortune might well dazzle me, 
as it dazzled others. Believe me, I sincerely pity your re- 
verses. 

Sir John. Good girl : you hear her, Evelyn ? 

Geor. What's money without happiness ? 

Sir John. Clever creature I — my own sentiments ! 

Geor. And, so, as our engagement is now annulled — pa- 
pa told me so this very morning — I have promised my hand 
where I have given my heart — to Sir Frederick Blount. 

Sir John. I told you — I ? No such thing — no such thing 
you frighten her out of her wits — she don't know what she's 
saying. 

Eve. Am I awake ? But this letter — this letter, received 
to-day 

Lady Frank,. (Looking over the letter.) Drummond's I — 
from a banker ! 

Eve. Read — read. 

Lady Frank. " Ten thousand pounds placed to your account, 
from the same unknown friend to Alfred Evelyn f Oh, Clara, 
I know not why you went to Drummond's this morning ! 

Eve. Clara 1 What I — and the former one with the same 
signature — on the faith of which I pledged my hand and sa- 
crificed my heart — 

Lady Frank. Was written under my eyes, and the se- 
cret kept that — 

Eve. Look up, look up, Clara — I am free I I am released ! 
you forgive me ? you love me ? — you are mine ! We are 
rich — rich ! I can give you fortune, power — I can devote 



TO money. [Act V 

to you my whole life, thought, heart, soul — I am all yours, 

Clara — my own, my wife ! 

Sir John. A pretty mess you've made of it, to humbug 
your own father ! And you, too, Lady Franklin, I am to 
thank you for this ! 

Lady Frank. You've to thank me that she's not now on 
the road to Scotland with Sir Frederick ; I chanced or. them 
by the Park just in time to dissuade and sxve her. Bat to 
do her justice, a hint of your displeasure was sufficient. 

Geor. ( Half sobbing.) And } r ou know, papa, you said this 
very morning that poor Frederick had been very ill used, and 
you would settle it all at the club. 

Blount. Come, Sir John, you can only blame yourself and 
Evelyn's cunning device 1 After all, I'm no such Yewy bad 
match ; and as for the the 10,000/.— 

Eve. I'll double it. Ah, Sir John, what's money with- 
out happiness ? 

Sir John. Pshaw — nonsense — stuff ! Don't humbug me. 

Lady Frank. But if you don't consent, she'll have no 
husband at all. 

Sir John. Hum ! there's something in that — (Aside to 
Evelyn.) Double it, will you ? Then settle it all tightly on 
her. Well — well — my foible is not avarice. Blount make 
her happy. Child I forgive you. — (Pinching her arm) Ugh, 
you fool ! Blount and Geor. go up 

Graves. ( To Lady Franklin.) I'm afraid it's catching 
What say you ? I feel the symptoms of matrimony creep 
ing all over me. Shall we ? eh? Frankly, now, frank 

Ij" 

Lady Frank. Frankly, now, there's my hand. 

Graves. Accepted ! Is it possible ? Sainted Maria 1 
thank Heaven you are spared this affliction. 

. Enter Smooth, r. 

Smooth. How d'ye do, Alfred ? — I intrude, I fear I 
Quite a family party. 

Blount. Wish us joy, Smooth — Georgina,s mine, and — 
Smooth. And our four friends there, apparently have 
made up another rubber. John, my dear boy, you look 
is if you had something at stake on the odd trick. 



Scene III. moniy li 

Sir John. Sir, you're very Confound the fellow 1 

and he's a dead shot too ! 

Enkr Stout and Glossmoue hastily ; talking- with 
each other. 

Stout. Tin sure he's of our side ; we've all the inteli- 
$ence. 

Gloss. I'm sure he's of our's if his fortune is oafe, fit 
►7e've all the property. 

Stout. Just heard of your return, Evelyn ! Congratu- 
bva you. The great motion of the session is fixed foi 
Friday. We count on your vote. Progress with the 
times ! 

Gloss. Preserve the Constitution ! 

Stout. Your money will do wonders for the party ! — 
Advance 1 

Gloss. The party respects men of your property ! Stick 
fast ! 

Eve. I ^ave the greatest respect, I assure you, for the 
worthy ana intelligent flies upon both sides the wheel , 
but whether we go too fast or too slow, does not, I fancy, 
depend so much on ihe flies as on the Stout Gentleman 
who sits inside and pays the post-boys 

Smooth. Meaning John Bull. Ce Cher old John ! 

Eve. Smooth, we have yet to settle our first piquet ac- 
count, and our last 1 And I sincerely thank you for the 
service you have rendered to me, and the lesson you have 
given these gentlemen. — (Turning to Clara.) Ah, Clara, 
you — you have succeeded where wealth had failed 1 You 
have reconciled me io the world and to mankind. My 
friends — we must confess it — amidst the humours and the 
follies, the vanities, deceits, and vices that play their part in 
the Great Comedy of life — it is our own fault if we 
do not find such natures, though rare and few, as redeem 
the rest, brightening the shadows that are flung from the 
form and body of the time with glimpses of the everlasting 
holiness of truth and love. 

Graves. But for the truth and the love, when found, to 
make us tolerably happy, we should not be without 

Lady Frank. Good health ; 

Graves. Good spirits ; 

Clara. A good heart ; 



12 MONEY. iAltV; 

Smooth. An innocent rubber ; 

Gcor. Congenial tempers ; 

Blount. A pwoper degwee of pwudence ; 

Stout. Enlightened opinions ; 

Gloss. Constitutional principles: 

Sir John. A little humbug ; 

Eve. And plenty of Money ? 

THE END. 

Disposition of the Characters at the fall of thz Curtain.. 



4 . / v A 



IS $\ 



FINIS. 



I K. CURTAIN. 



44 



VOL. XLI. w 

e Pirate's Legacy 

e Charcoal Burner 

elgitba 

i or V alleote 

rest Rose 

ke s Daughter 

iuil i as Husband 

re Gold 



(Catalogue continued from second page of cover, y 



VOL. XLII. 

329 Ticket of Leave Man 

330 Fool's Revenge 

331 O'Neil the Great 

332 Handy Andy 

333 Pirate of the Islea 

334 Fanchon 

335 Little Barefoot 

336 Wild Irish Girl 



VOL. XLIII. 
337 Pearl of Savoy 
838 Dead Heart 
339 Ten Nights in a Bar-room 

840 Dumb Boy of Manchester 

841 Belphegor the Mountebank 

842 Cricket on the Hearth 
343 Printer's Devil 

R44 Meg's Diversion 



VOL. XLIV. 

345 Drunkard's Doom 

346 Chimney Corner 

347 Fifteen Years of aDrurk- 

348 No Thoroughfare fard's 

349 Peep O* Day [Life 

350 Everybody's Friend 
Hamlet, in Three Acta 
Guttle & Gulpit 



Ct». 



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1 and Jinks 
Number 
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8 Tom mud Jerry, and Who's 

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9 No Tat or. or Man Fish 

10 Who Stole the Chickens 

11 Upper Ten Thousand 

12 &ip Yan Winkle 



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14 Two Pompeys 

15 Running the Blockade 

16 Jeemes the Poet 

17 Intelligence Office 

18 Echo Band 



1 9 Deserters 

20 Deaf as a Post 

21 Dead Alive 

22 Cousin Joe' h Visit 

23 Boarding School 
21 Academy of Stars 




NO. 

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18 The Wreck | ny Cupids 

19 Oh Hushl orTheVirgin- 

20 The Portrait Painter 

21 The Hop or Fashion 

22 Bone Squash 

23 The Virginia Mummv 

24 Thieves at the Mill 
11 Comedy of Errors 
2t Lea Miserables 

21 New Year's Calls 
It Troublesome Servant 
29 Great Arrival 
SO Rooms to Let 

31 Black Crook Burlesque 

32 Ticket Taker 



NO. 

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34 William Tell 

35 Rose Dale 

36 Feast 

37 FeniaaSpy 

38 Jack's the Lad 

39 Othello 

40 Camilla 

41 Nobody's Son 

42 Sports on a Lark 

43 Actor and Singer 

44 Shy lock 

45 Quarrelsome Servants 

46 Haunted House 

47 No Cure, No Pay 



NO. 

48 Fighting for the Union 

49 Hamlet the Dainty 

50 Corsican Twina 

51 Deaf -in a Horn 

52 Challenge Dance 

53 De Trouble begins at Nine 

54 Scenes at Gurney'a- 

55 16,000 Years Ago 

56 Stage struck Darkey 

57 Black Mail | Clothes 
53 Highest Price for Old 

59 How Is from the Owl Train 

60 Old Hunks 

61 The Three Black Smiths 

62 Turkeys in Season 



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ajnd Explicit Descriptive Catalogue MaiU-d Free on RLyUEtT. 



FRENCH'S MINOR DR^ MA. 



VOL. I. 

1 The Irish Attorney 

2 Boots at the Swan 

8 How to pay the Bent 

4 The Loan of a Lover 

5 Th* Dead Shot 

6 His Last Legs 

T The Invisible Prince 
8 The Golden Parmer 



Price 16 Cents each.— Bound Volumes $1.25, 

VOL. X. I VOL. XII. .... XXVIII 

71 Ireland and America 145 Columbus 217 Crinoline 

74 Pretty Piece of BusineM!146 Harlequin Bluebeard i218 A J amlly Falling 

75 Irish Broom-maker |147 Ladies at Home |2l9 Ad( Dted Child 

76 To Paris and Back fori 148 Phenomenon in a Smock ,220 Turned Heads 



Five Pounds 

77 That Blessed Baby 

78 Our Gal 

79 Swiss Cottage 

80 Young Widow 
VOL. XI. 

81 OFlannigan and the Fa- 

82 Irish Post [ries 

83 My Neighbor's "Wife 

84 Irish Tiger 

85 P . P . , or Man and Tiger 

86 To Oblige Benson 

87 Stat* Secrets 

88 Irish Yankee 



VOL. II. 
9 Pride of the Market 

10 Used Up 

11 The Irish Tutor 

12 The Barrack Room 

13 Luke the Laborer 

14 Beauty and the Beast 

15 St. Patrick's Eve 

16 O.piain uf the Watch 

VOL.111. 

17 The Secret [pers 

18 White Horse of the Pep- 

19 The Jacobite 

20 T>ie Bottle 

21 Box and Cox 

22 Bamboozling 

23 Widow's Victim 

24 Bobert Macaire 

VOL, IV. « 

25 Secret Service 

26 Omnibus 

27 Irish Lion 

28 Maid of Croisey 

29 The Old Guard 

30 Raising the Wiud 

31 Slasher and Crasher 

32 Naval Engagements 

VOL. V. 

33 Oocknies iu California 

34 Who Speaks First 

35 Bomoftstec Furioao 
3*5 Macbeth Travestie 
37 Irish Ambassador 
88 Delioate Ground 
83 The Weathercock (GoldlllO Andy Blake 

40 AH that Glitters is Notjili Love in '76 

VOL. VI. 

41 Grintshaw, Bagshaw and 

Bradshaw 

42 Rough Diamond 

43 Bloomer Costume 



VOL. XII. 

89 A Good Fellow 

90 Cherry and Fair Star 
9i Gale Breezely 

92 Our Jemimy 

93 Miller* Maid 

94 Awkward Arrival 

95 Crossing the Line 

96 Conjugal Lesson 

VOL. XIII. 

97 My Wife's Mirror 

98 Life in New York 

99 Middy Ashore 

100 Crown Prince 

101 Two Queens 

102 Thumping Legacy 

103 Unfinished Gentleman 

104 House Dog 
VOL. XIV. 

105 The Dcjmora Lover 
,106 Matrimony 

107 I a and Out of Place 
10RI Dine with My Mother 
109 Hi-a-wa-tha 



Frock 

149 Comedy and Tragedy 

150 Opposite Neighbors 

151 Dutchman s Ghost 

152 Persecuted Dutchman 
VOL. XX. 

153 Musard Ball 

154 Great Tragic Revival 

155 High Low Jack & Game 

156 A Gentleman from Ire- 

157 Tom and Jerry [land 

158 Village Lawyer 

159 Captain's not A-miss 
1C0 Amateurs and Actors 

VOL. XXI. 

161 Promotion jua] 

162 A Fascinating Individ- 

163 Mrs. Caudle 

164 Sh^kspeare's Dream 

165 Neptune's Defeat 

166 Lady of Bedchamber 

167 Take Care of Little 

168 Irish Widow | Charley 
VOL. XXIT. 

169 Yankee Peddlar 

170 Hiram Hireout 

171 Double-Beddea Room 

172 The Drama Defended 

173 Vermont Wool Dealer 

174 Ebenezer Venture j ter 



. A L.u -rbv Proxy [Pi 
175 Principles from Charac 247 Maid with the Milki 

i7ii T.wi^<-.**Ufli n i,A /rr«, \ 9i l - 



[ties 

112 Romance under Difficul 
VOL. XV. 

113 One Coat for 2 Suits 
1!4 A Decided Case 
1 1 5 D aughter [ nori ty 



44 Two Bonr vesicles 116 No ; or, the Glorious Mi 

45 Born to Good Luck 117 Coroner's Inquisition 

46 Kiss iu the Dark [jurer!ll8 Love in Humble Life 



47 'T would Puzzle a Con- 

48 Kill or Cure 

VOL. VII. 

49 Box and Cox Married and 
60 St Cupid [Settled 
51 fto-to-bed Tom 
6* Tne Lawyers 
6 •$ Jack Sbepparc! 

54 The Toodles 

55 The Mobcap 

56 Ladies Beware 

VOL. VIII. 
67Mornh.gCall 
58 Popping the Question 
69 Deaf as a Post 

60 New Footraan 

61 Pleasant Neighbor 

62 Paddy the Piper 

63 Brian O' Linn 

64 Irish Assurance 

VOL. IX. 

65 Temptation 

66 Paddy Carey 

67 Two Gregories 

68 King Charming 

69 Po-ca-hon-tas 

70 Clockmaker's Hat 
Tl Married Rake 
72 Love and Merder 

VOL. XXXVII. ] 

»M \ II the Wor.J • a Stage 



119 Family Jars 

120 Personation 

VOL. XVI. 

121 Children in the Wood 

122 Winning a Husband 

123 Day after the Fair 

124 Make Your Wills 

125 Rendezvous 

126 My Wife's Husband 

127 iionsieur Tonson 

128 Illustrious Stranger 

VOL. XVII 

129 Mischief- Making [Mines 
"30 A Live Woman in the 

131 The Corsair 

132 Shyiock 

133 Spoiled Child 

134 Evil Eye 

135 Nothing to Nurse 

136 Wanted a Widow 

VOL. XVIII. 

137 Lottery Ticket 

138 Fortune' s Frolic 

139 Is he Jealous i 

140 Married bachelor 

141 Husoand at Sight 

142 irishman in London 

143 Animal Magnetism 

144 Highways and By-Waysl 
VOL. XXXVIII. 

297 Ici on Parle Francais 



. '• u h ii )arh 

222 Ad\ ice to Husbands 

223 Siamese Twins 

224 Sen. to the Tower 
POL. XXIX 

225 Somebody Else 
226Lad»5s' Battle 

227 Art. .f Acting 

228 The Lady of the Lions *• 

lights of Man 
J30 My Uusbauds Ghost 
231 Two Can Play at thai 

Gfme 
232FighingbyProcy 

*OL. XXX. 
233 Unprotected Female 
•234 Pet of the Petticoats 

235 Fjrt> and Fifty I book 

236 Who Stole the Pocket- 
23? My S >n Diana [nlon 

238 Unw, rrantable I n t r u* 

239 Mr. end Mrs. White 

240 A Qua Family 
VI. Xvx' V 

■ 
242 Suddiu Thought* 
r » Juzn 

244 A Blighted E«inj 

245 Little :oddlekii3 



243 Perpl< xinr-'Pre<?lc 
XXXI). 

249 Dr. D i worth 

250 Out to Nurse 

251 A Lucy Hit ' \ 

252 The Dowager ( 

253 Metani.ira (Burl:sqne i 

254 Drearo i of Delusion 

255 Tbe fc'l aB or Lo^ ers * 

256 TieklUh Times 
VOL. XXXI) I. 

257 20Mm-jteswitbaT2ger 
258Miralda: or, th* Justice 

of Ticon 
259 A Sold.er's Cot I 



176 Lady of the Lake ( Travj 
VOL. XXIII. 

177 Mad Does 

1 78 Barney the Baron 

179 Swiss Swains 

180 Bachelor's Bedroom 

181 A Roland for an Oliver 

182 More Blunder* than One 

183 Dumb Belle 

184 Limerick Boy 
VOL. XXIV. 

185 Nature and Philosophy 

186 Teddy the Tiler 

187 Spectre Bridgroom 

188 Maiteo Falcone 

189 Jenay Lind 

190 Two Buzzards 

191 Happy Man 

192 Betsy Baker 
VOL. XXV. 

193 No. 1 Round the Corner 

194 Teddy Roe 

195 Object of Interest 

196 My Fellow Clerk 

197 Bengal Tiger 
193 Laughing Hvena 

199 The Victor Vanquished 

200 Our Wife 
VOL. XXVI. 

201 My Hupbands Mirror 

202 Yankee Land. 

203 Norah Creina 

204 Good for Nothing 

205 The First Night 

206 The Eton Boy 

207 Wandering Minstrel 

208 Wanted, iOOO Milliners 
VOL. XXVII. 

20t Poor Pilcodd; 

210 The Mummy iGlassesiWl Shocking Eyenti 

211 Don't Forget your Opera. 282 A Regular *ix 

212 Love in Livery 283 Dick Tar pin 

213 Anthony and Cleopatra 284 Young Scamp 

214 Trying It On. 285 Young Actress 

215 Stage Struck Yankee i«6 Call at P" 1--. *, 

216 Young Wife & Old Um-;287 One Topca of NaJk 
brella '288 Two B* toys 

VOL. .\ 



Servants Ly Legacy \ 

261 Dyins 'cr Love 

262 Alarm:.;*; Sacrtfoe 

263 Valet d 

264 Nicholas Nickle'oy 
VOL. XXXIV 

265 The Last of the Pii 

266 King Reue'4 Deugl 
i267 The Grotto Nyuph 

268 A Devilish Goo I Jo' 

269 A Twice Totd Tale 

270 Pas de Fascination 

271 Revolutionary ;>oldl< 

272 A Man With-- 
VOL. XXXV~~ 

273 The Olio, Part 1 

274 The Olio, Par. - 

275 The Olio, Part 

276 The Trumpeter' u)f, 

277 Seeing Warren 

278 Green Mountal i h 

279 That Nose 

280 Tom Noddy'f Sjcret 
VOL. XXXVI. 



V > y unsb, or Nigger Practice 298 Who killed Cock Robin 



_Jl TurnHitn Out 

392 Pre"; Girls of 8tiHb«rf 

»93 Angelof tbe Attic 

J94 Circumstance* alter Cuti 

195 Katty OSbeal 

J96 A Supicr in Dixie 



299 Decla 

300 H 
Obstinate Family 

SOt Mv Annt 

303 That Rascal P«t 

304 Poa Paddy de Ba 



of Independence 



VOL. XXIX. [ture 
1305 Too Much for Good Na- 

r the Fidgets 
'307 Jack's the Lsd 

l 1( h A do about Nothing 
odgtr 

310 Winning Hazard 

311 Day's Pishing [Ac. 
'31 2 Did you ever send your, 



313 Anlrishman'e lai « 

314Consia Finnic 

31.1 'T Uhel)!irl..e: I 

Jl»» M :.«quernde [■ »1 

317 Crow 

313Go< i 

:i9Manv i ■ ■ ■ - 

320T*rr tl 



'jm, mix 



VoKK. 



